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complicated... elder parent drama. Advice welcomed

My Mom is not caring for her diabetes both leg ulcer and blood sugar wise. My hubby is trying to gently nudge me into calling adult protection on her. This would, however, mean literally losing my Mom in order to save her. At this point they'd put her in a nursing home so she'd lose her job, house, car, etc. They'd heal her and then when she was to be released... where would she be released to? A homeless shelter? I've spoken with her a few times regarding my rock and hard place situation and she just reminds me if I did she'd never speak to me, husband, or grand kids again if I sell her out like that... the look on her face made me believe her. I don't want her dead... nor out of my life... nor unemployed and ruined. Thoughts?


Asked by hibbingmom at 8:50 PM on Jul. 29, 2009 in Health

Level 35 (71,876 Credits)
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Answers (6)
  • This is a really hard one. Thing is, is she worried about who will care for your Dad? That could be part of her motivation for caring for herself, albeit poorly. I am sorry to ask but does she just want to pass away? 500 pounds is a lot of weight to be carrying around. Can someone be hired to help her before you call elder care? Is that at all a viable solution? Gosh, hopefully someone on here has some better ideas. I'm sorry.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 8:59 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • PS She is over 500 pounds, blood sugars in the low 300's, and enormous weeping leg sores. She cares for herself AND my dad (who has parkinsons) drives to the store, works 2 jobs, etc. In the very likely event they had to amputate a leg she'd be unable to transfer/care for herself and basically end up in a welfare shithole nursing home, although at present time she's completely self sufficient in daily care, etc

    Answer by hibbingmom at 8:53 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • You can't make her care about herself. I don't think I would call, because she's an adult and its her decision. She's not mentally incapable of understand what could happen. I can understand that you want to help her and have her around. Its a shame she can't see that, have you talked about what would happen to your dad if she ends up dying because she won't take care of herself? What is her reasoning for not doing those things? Is it fear, denial, etc? Maybe that needs to be addressed first. Good Luck, and my thoughts are with you.

    Answer by Lesli at 9:02 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • aww thanks u guys.. it's the worst feeling ever. I don't want to make the wrong choice and regret it. I am pretty sure she thinks (and is RIGHT) that we'd take my Dad in if she was gone or, God forbid, dead. As far as fear, denial, reasoning... it's all about money. With the icky economy neither of her 2 jobs will hold her position for her. So if she disappears for awhile to try and recover, have skin grafts (as previously recommended by doc for her leg) or whatever... she doesn't have enough savings to keep up with car and house payments. She'd rather die living her own life than be forced into a shelter/nursing home it appears. And I guess I would too. I just don't like feeling like there's something I can do... but am just not doing. Am an only child so it's all on me to save her... or let her be.

    Answer by hibbingmom at 9:08 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • i would call area on ageing tehy can get people in there to help... i was a cna befor comeing a sahm and i did in home elderly care. i went into peoples home took care of minore medical things such as give them their pill and change bandages also i did some of their house work to. i woudl call area on ageing or a state rep and see if the can give u some number to call

    Answer by rainmommy at 9:55 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • honcare,as rainmommy pointed out would be your best option. goodluck.

    Answer by hypersquirrel at 10:53 PM on Jul. 29, 2009