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My daughter is not listening!!!

My 4 year old daughter is constantly talking back to my husband and I. She won't go to bed when we tell her. She gives us excuses like " I gotta use the bathroom", even though she already went. She screams bloody murder when we tell her to go to bed or to go to time out. I love her but I am really starting to lose my patience with her. When her father tells her to do something she says " Mommy said I can do......." My husband and I are starting to argue alot about it because he feels like I don't do much as far as discipining. We have tried spankings, time out, taking away luxories. Nothing seems to work. Once she is disciplined, she acts as if nothing even happened and continues to misbehave. It is soooo frustrating!!! HELP!!!!

 
littlefield.ash

Asked by littlefield.ash at 10:22 PM on Jul. 29, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (6)
  • Been there........it's not a fun stage. I have one out of it now and one starting to get out of it. What worked for us was a sticker chart. We made up awards that they can earn for every 10 stickers. (free awards like playing a game, watching a movie, reading books, duck duck goose, playing outside, longer bath time, or like an extra snack after dinner...things like that). When they go to bed they have a chance to earn 2 stickers. If they get out of bed they loose one. If they get out of bed again they loose both of them. Let her pick the kinds of awards....that really helped with my kids. They got excited about them. Make sure she goes pee and gets a glass of water or whatever she needs before she goes to bed and tell her that if she wants to earn her stickers she has to stay in bed. My kids know they can come out if they get scared or if there is an emergency we tell them, but otherwise they stay in there.
    Hannah22

    Answer by Hannah22 at 10:26 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • With the other things it just takes time. My oldest is going through the lying stage, and my middle boy is halfway out of the temper tantrum stage and halfway into the not listening. lol. It'll pass eventually.
    Hannah22

    Answer by Hannah22 at 10:27 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • the WORST thing you can do is give her ANY type of attention when shes acting out...if you tell her bedtime, or timeout...and she acts up..the worst thing you can do is talk to her! just lead her by hand back to her bed...or timeout area and walk away...if you talk to her shes getting what she wanted...she just wants a distraction...the best way to deal with her like this is to ignore it...its going to be tough as HELL...but stick to your guns and don't give up! as far as timeout...timeout should equal one minute for each year of their age...and the clock doesn't start till they are quiet! don't give in and let them out early! if you can get an egg timer or a digital that beeps so she has something for a reference, that helps alot! as far as you and your husband....that's more difficult...i still have problems with that and my children are 11 and 6 now! the best thing you can do is to communicate..
    blueeyedgrl2377

    Answer by blueeyedgrl2377 at 10:28 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • I feel your pain. my 3yr old daughter is the queen of not listening.. we cant get her to listen to anything we say to her for nothing. the only thing that works is to take away something that she likes ,like turning off the cartoons,or my attention,etc. nice to know my dd is not the only one. i hope this stage passes soon for you and me both:)
    hypersquirrel

    Answer by hypersquirrel at 10:30 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • I cant help I can only say I feel your pain =) I know that isnt much. I also have a four year old and bout to be five. He is so great when others are around or when we are out but while we are home and its just my husband and I he really thinks he runs the house. He does the same as your daughter he will totally tell me "oh daddy said I can, so can I ........." My husband has wanted a dog forever. So a friend of ours was selling mini pinchers but agreed to give us first pick for free. My husband was on top of the world and we thought out son *being four* would love a little dog around also. OM we were WRONG. We have to watch him every moment of the day or he will do silly stuff like hide the puppies toys or turn his dog bed up side down. ITS CRAZY. We dont believe in spanking but place in him time out and then if he keeps it up he goes to his room. We did as you and took away fun stuff but my son just keeps on.
    Luv03

    Answer by Luv03 at 10:32 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • You are not the only one!! My son does the same thing. I talked to the daycare worker and asked what they did durring the day or with all of their toddlers.. she said it was typical... along with my pediatrician. My son has been a NO monster.. does almost the exact same thing that your daughter does its just a phase, and really as hard as it is staying calm and reminding yourself shes 3 and frusterated too can help.. sometimes all you need to do is count to 10 and try again. My son acts up quite a bit , but when I started to ask him what made him mad he seemed to respond better (Mind you we still have melt downs every day) they dont seem as bad. My kid is the type even if I take every thing away he will play with the carpet. nothing seems to phase him either. My husband thinks the same way about me "not being tough enough" I just dont want to be yelling or punishing him every time I turn around.. pick ur battles..
    vwhite

    Answer by vwhite at 10:43 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

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