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Why do married moms need breaks all the time?

K. This is not to start drama, or to say it's just not fair.

Here is my scenario. I am a single parent (who works full time (often with overtime) from my home) to a toddler. I am with him...22/7 (rough estimate if you divide the time I spend away from him out of the days in a week...and that may even be a bit gracious). I admit that I do need a break, but we are talking maybe 1 hr a week, or a few hrs 1 time a month.

But it seems that my married friends (who stay at home, not working and then have a husband who comes home and helps with the house, and watches the kids) are constantly needing a night out (like twice a week, and even that isn't enough).

I don't know if I just deal with my stress better, or if I have less because I don't have a husband, I don't know. But i really don't get it.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:35 PM on Jul. 29, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (23)
  • I have asked myself this quite often. I am a SAHM and I think I have figured it out!!! If I were single, I would KNOW that I had to depend only myself to do everything. What happens at my house is that I will ask my husband to do something.....let's say take the trash out. Well, since my husband works, he feels that he shouldn't have to do ANYTHING around the house. So he then tells me that YES he will take the trash out and then NEVER does. BUT, in my mind, I have checked off the list I keep in my head about what needs to be done, and when he doesn't do something that I have asked him to do, it throws off my whole schedule. If I knew that I was the ONLY one that could take the trash out, I would work that into my schedule and it wouldn't be complicated. But when you are depending on someone else to do things, it's kinda out of your control and that is FRUSTRATING!! Depending on someone is frustrating!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • I think different people cope differently...I'm married and some weeks I need three nights! and sometimes i wont go out for a month.... Maybe you handle stress better like you said and sometimes husbands are dicks.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:38 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • less because you dont have a husband...in some ways you have it easier not having one...and in others more difficult...but in this situation...its because your friends might have a good husband that helps and does stuff with the kids too...but everyone even needs a break from their spouce! they might say they are getting away from the kids for a while...but are enjoying the mental break from the husband too...and if they go out with the husband too...its amazing that even time away from the kids can do for a relationship...god...you made me want a night out...LOL i actually havent had one in four months...LOL
    blueeyedgrl2377

    Answer by blueeyedgrl2377 at 10:38 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • Sometimes having a husband is like having another child! Ha! I love mine dearly but I have to cook twice as much as I would without him, the laundry is twice as stacked, and the house certainly reflects that of a man that doesn't pick up after himself! I do it because I stay home and he works very hard outside of the house.
    So there you go. Having a hubby doesn't always make things easier.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • I'm a married mom with 3 kids (8, 6 and 2), I'm a SAHM and I homeschool my kids. My husband works 48-72 hours a week (a 12 hour shift + lunch + travel time = 15 hours a day out of the home). Usually when he's home he's sleeping, not helping with chores, kids, etc. I haven't had a night out in about 4 years and I'm not complaining.

    So it's not all married mom's. I don't get it either OP.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • I'm married... and my husband does not help with the house... and he's barely home... so I feel I deserve breaks.... but my breaks consist of going to the gym and/or food shopping (plus I'm breast feeding and can't be away for more than 2 hours)... so I don't think I'm your typical married mom... like your friends your talking about.
    marchma2b

    Answer by marchma2b at 10:40 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • Cuz when you work it's diferent, I don't need nights out I just need and hour oway from the kids to give me a break. My almost 4 year old starts talking from the minute he wakes up and alll the way till he goes to bed, my almost 9 month old is teething and is very fussy, and I spend all day trying to take care of both of them and never clean the house pay bills do loundry and don't have time for anything else. When you work you get a break from all that, I used to work when I just had one and I was fine cuz I got my break at work.
    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 10:42 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • yes anon10:39 I sooooo feel you..... I have more work to do when he is around! It's constintly "what's there to eat?" or "where's my clean underwear?" he def makes more work for me.... he's harder to take care of than my 4 month old... the man neva cooked a day in his life... he don't even know how to ise the microwave! haha
    marchma2b

    Answer by marchma2b at 10:44 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • I am married and SAHM but I think all moms should get a break here and there. Now for me my break is date nights with my husband! We do them once a month and that is really so we can take care our marriage and make time for each other. Some days yea I could use the break because currently I am potty training, I also go to college and take summer classes, and my husband just got promoted at work which is awesome for him but he travels one night a week now which means my son is does not sleep that night, and preschool activities, field trips, make snacks,etc . I also do not see what the big deal is really.
    Mom2Just1

    Answer by Mom2Just1 at 10:45 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • Well two things come to mind.....first you don't have a dh, so you aren't expecting that break, you know that isn't an option for you.
    Second......you can tell your not married, because most of our dh's aren't really much help with the kids! They are more like kids themselves!
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 10:47 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

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