Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Why do you feeel like dieing after you gave up your child for adoption?????

it's been 23 months sence i done it and i just feel like dieing i don't know why may be cause it will be her birthday soon.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:42 PM on Jul. 29, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (11)
  • Probably because she is a part of you. You're body carried her for 9 months and you probably formed a bond with her while she was still in utero. I think it is normal to feel that way, just as if you lost any other part of yourself, you would always feel lost without it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • I think that is a normal feeling to have. Maybe if you just remind yourself on why you gave your baby up for adoption, it may help you come to terms with your feelings. Also, maybe seeking some sort of counseling would help.
    GavinsMommii

    Answer by GavinsMommii at 10:50 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • I'm so sorry. It must of been very hard to give up your baby and you must have had very good reasons. If you are feeling like dying it is important for you to get professional help and you may need medication. If you are depressed there are chemical imbalances in your brain that can be corrected and you may feel more normal.

    Look online or in your phone book for hotlines you can call if you live in a big city. If you live in a smaller city you may have to call a national hotline for depression of mothers who have given there babies up for adoption.

    Is there any way you can see her or find out info about her?
    GailllAZ

    Answer by GailllAZ at 10:52 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • You will never forget but since you did give her up you have to try to let go and that is the hardest part. You made a hard decision that I thought about once but just couldn't do it. I believe you have to be a strong person to give up a baby for adoption. You did the right thing if you were unable to care for her. You will never forget honey but it will get easier. My Dad gave my sister up for adoption and I think about her everyday and want to see her so bad but he did the right thing so she would have a better life and I was unable to take her due to I had 3 children myself and was a single mom. So sometimes I beat myself up for not trying to take her but she has a better life than I could have gave her. God bless you

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • At what point in pregnancy did you choose adoption? Had you formed a bond with her or did you make the decision early and know that you were giving her life so that another couple could experience the joy of being parents?
    Jaydin_Makenna

    Answer by Jaydin_Makenna at 11:02 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • No matter what anyone tells you, it is unnatural to give your own flesh and blood to others to raise and that is part of why you might feel as you do. As my relinquished son was growing up, I kept thinking something was missing in my life, and at reunion I finally realized what was missing was my son. Other mothers have said that they felt as though a piece of their hearts was missing. Moms are rarely told to expect to miss and long for their children as much as most do, and they think maybe it is just them. But, it is normal to miss your child and feel sad.

    Even though moms are told that they will find comfort in knowing that they have given other parents the joy of being parents, that rarely pans out. The overwhelming feeling most of us have is missing our children. As for bonds with our children, many moms bond with their children before they are bond. Look for an experienced adoption therapist or support group.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 11:59 PM on Jul. 29, 2009

  • Although your sense of loss and probably part of your sadness will remain with you, it is possible to achieve some healing and find ways to be happy again. Moms expect time to make them feel better, and some say that time heals all wounds. However, I think most birth moms need to work hard, and often have lots of therapy to be able to heal. The loss of your child is a profound loss and not a wound that time will heal completely. You will need to work hard at healing.

    Our childrens' birthdays are hard for many birth moms, and for some adoptees as well. Please know that it is entirely normal.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 12:31 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • Our childrens' birthdays are hard for many birth moms, and for some adoptees as well. Please know that it is entirely normal. Quoting Southernroots

    OP-There are many different "trigger days" (like bdays) that are going to bring back a flood of emotions and memories and regret. Please find a counselor to help you thru this. Since you can't go back and "un-do" the adoption, you have to figure out how to get thru these days/weeks/months. The feelings you are having are normal and expected. How could you not be affected by placing your child for adoption? However, if you start to feel like hurting yourself, call for help immediately! You want to be around for your child now and in the future. (Don't know if you see her now or not.) And there's something about that 2nd birthday that is somehow worse than the first. Maybe you "think" if you can survive the first bday, it'll get easier after that, but it doesn't. I am so sorry.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 6:14 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • Because losing a child is a terrible loss. The myth is that because your child is alive and well that it shouldn't hurt as much, but that's not the reality of it. If you'd lost your child to death you would have been comforted and helped, and no one would expect you to just "get over it." You need to grieve the loss of your child and it's a process. I urge you to look for a support group and if possible a therapist that specializes in adoption. Also there are groups here on cafe mom where you can vent about your feelings where there are people who have been there and will understand. Try this one: http://www.cafemom.com/group/4974

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:48 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • Because a part of you did die....I know because I am a BM also.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:17 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN