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He wants to leave us... pls. help

I have been married for 9 years, 2 kids, my H has informed me that he has not been happy for quite sometime and wants to leave. Our marriage has been full of more lows than ups. I am devasted and scared because not only I Love him with al my heart and want to keep the family together but I am currently unemployed. He claims that I have left him out for so long that he now needs to be alone. I believe in "better late than never" and have done 180 change because realized that yes I was at fault for him feeling this way and want to work things out. I have suggested counseling but he said for what??? He then agreed to attend but said that he would go just because I asked but didn't see any benefit. Some days are better than others because it seems that he is willing to give it a try but there are some very dificult days were I can't even talk to him! Please help with some words of wisdom. I feel so low...emotionaly drained!

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:58 PM on Jul. 29, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • do ur best to let him in an show him that u truly do love him an want nothing more than to be with him maybe lleave lil love notes an stuff like that for him in places he will find it just to let him know u care or send him a text telling him stuff like that the lil things count to good luck

    Answer by momatonly16 at 12:06 AM on Jul. 30, 2009



    Answer by 2mothershelpers at 12:08 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • ((hugs))

    Look into Dr. Laura's book: Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage and also Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.

    I pray you are not already competing for your husband's attention with "the other woman."

    Please get the books and DO what she says.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • start making better dinners

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • I am going threw the exact same thing right now. My H and I were married for 5 years and have two kids. He claims that he has been unhappy for a very long time and decided to go and get himself a new life. I was devastated and very alone. We have been apart for 3 months now. For awhile it was pretty much no contact then I needed his help with the kids but I still let him have his own life. Now, just in the past week or so he wants to get back together. He found that he missed me, complaints and all. We tried counseling but it didn't really help. I am sorry for what is happening to you but maybe if you give him some space and some time he will come back. Don't start separating your lives as far as finances are concerned. Offer to let him have is space before you two come to a final decision. Try dating each other to try and rekindle the romance. Good Luck

    Answer by fuelsgirl2 at 12:11 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • Well it seems you at least have something going for you, he has agreed to go to counsling. That's wonderful and def. a first step. It's also great that you have admitted where you may have been at fault, and are willing to work on that. Just keep showing him you do love him....hopefully he'll come around.

    Answer by robinann5 at 12:18 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • it's going to be hard and heart breaking for you but you can't make someone stay with you if they dion't want to. You brought up counseling but if he's only going becuz you asked him too and not beucz he wants to work things out then it probably won't work.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • If I hear one more time that Fireproof can save a marriage Im going to throw up....anyway anon above posted about the Dr. Laura book and it is fabulous... But also as the above says if he doesn't want to do it anymore than there is really nothing you can do. I am so sorry that you are hurting and I wish the best of luck to you

    Answer by Lauren24 at 2:54 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • I am really sorry to hear about your problem. I have been there my first husband said that to me. We tried separation then he keep on coming to my apartment and wanting sex. We even tried counselling but he keep on lying to the counsellor then apologise to me later. He asked me to move back in with him again so I did but things didn't get better and he started having woman friends and end up going out with them. So I move out at first we were friends and still talking until I have another man whom I am married to now. His story was he wanted to leave his ex for a very long time especially when he found out I got separated but the ex keep on asking him to stay. One day he moved out then she beg him to stay and picked him up at the hotel. He said he came back bec his kids beg him too but he was dying inside. A year after he just packed his bag and left his ex and he said this is the best decision he has ever made in his life.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:19 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • continuation...... the truth is your husband will be were he wanted to be. If he wants to leave let him you will never know you might find someone who will really love you and who will make you happy. You will be divastated at first but things will get better.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:22 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

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