Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The "perfect child"

Do you really think that Aparents simply want "the perfect child". I think that this is a dismissive way to stereotype adoptive parents and trash infant adoption. If you look at most couples who are waiting, the racial preferences are almost completely gone, the age preferences are often up to 5 years old (hardly an infant) and the alcohol/drug preferences are often blown away. Many couples will take a child with almost any exposure. Couples will agree to almost any contact before and afterwards so that is not a barrier.

Just because I dont want to adopt a disabled abused 10 yr old from the foster care system doesnt mean I am looking for the perfect child, just because I want to be able to attach to a child I am given and not worry for years that he/she will go back to a person who lost her to foster care to begin with, also doesnt mean I only want the perfect child. I want the perfect child for Me.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:44 AM on Jul. 30, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (14)
  • I don't know what you're responding to, but I'm sorry someone upset you so much. I don't think you need to be the world's greatest saver of troubled children to be a good person. Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • I'll probably get bashed for this comparison but here's some 7:30 am honest for you... .. If I was adpoting a dog, I would do tons of research to make sure I got a dog that was perfect for my family. I would know in advance what breed/size I wanted. Again, not the perfect dog, but the perfect dog for my family.
    However, on the flip side, I have some friends that would go to the nearest pound and take home the first puppy they see.
    The same goes for adopting kids.
    say_tay

    Answer by say_tay at 8:37 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • I think you hit the nail on the head when you said, find the perfect child for YOU. This doesn't mean a cookie cutter child. It just means one that fits into your family that you can give a forever home too.

    Dont let others get to ya.....most people don't understand about adoption unless they have been there ;)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:41 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • The perfect children for us ended up being 5, 6 & 7. We wanted more then one child and really didn't want to go into the infants. I know of many couples that an older child was perfect as they wanted someone that wouldn't "disrupt" their lifestyle of camping, sports, etc. They wanted a child that would enjoy the same things that they did and a infant would hold back these activities. Instead they adopted a boy that loved doing these things and it was a great match! Each aparent must think about how their life will change when a child comes into their life.

    Personally I don't feel that I could handle a disabled child in a wheel chair, mental problems, etc. That's me. I have great respect for those that can but I do know my limits. If something should happen to our children then I would adapt but it would be extremely hard for me and I admit it up front.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 9:16 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • Also, many adoptive parents have already raised children. Out of a class of 18, my DH & I, and only one other couple had never had children. Most that choose to foster do get children who aren't infants, however, I wanted to start at the beginning. I didn't want to "skip a step" in parenting. Those who have been there & done that (had babies) can choose to skip that phase of late night feedings, potty training, etc. I wanted to be able to do these things that I had never done. So I agree that you have to find the child that fits your family. It's different strokes for different folks, which is great, because all the children are different and have different needs. It does need to be a good match for the family AND the child.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 10:54 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • THen why is there still such a high demand for healthy white newborns?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:24 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • There is a high demand for healthy white newborns, healthy white toddlers, heathly white kids, healthy hispanic newborns, healthy hispanic toddlers, healthy AA newborns, healthy AA toddlers, healthy Asian newborns, Healthy Asian Toddlers, Healthy middle eastern newborns and toddlers.... should I go on for every nationality? You also can merge all of these combinations into "bi-racial" also. Get up to date, couples in the 60's may have had all these rules when adopting but in 2009, the fields all merge.

    White newborns are more common in infant adoption because there are a higher percentage of white bmoms placing and a higher percentage of white couples adopting.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • Anon 11:01-Thank you! Well, said!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • whatever
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:49 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • Anon 9:01 "White newborns are more common in infant adoption because there are a higher percentage of white bmoms placing and a higher percentage of white couples adopting"

    This is true!! It is also a good reminder that often we merge adoption situations all together and it starts to get muddles, people take what is said and apply it to their own personal situation and when it doesn't fit can get their feelings hurt.

    Step-parent and Family adoption is different from traditional adoption
    Infant adoption is different from foster adoption
    Voluntary relinquishment is different from involuntary termination of parental rights
    Domestic adoption is different from international adoption

    On top of that, we are all individuals with differing unique experiences within these (and more) categories. The opportunities to not understand each other are vast. The topic is so personal. The risks each of us take are so great.

    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 3:11 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Adoption
How can we find a great searaget-mom?

Next question overall (Pregnancy)
desires