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OK, so I'm finally going to do it, is this the right way?

I'm going to end things with my on again off again boyfriend of 5 months. It started out a normal realtionship and I thought it was headed toward something that was going to last. Well, last month he told me he didn't really want a realtionship right now, but he didn't want us to stop seeing each other either. So I have continued seeing him because I really do care about him a lot, I suspect I even love him, but something just doesn't feel right. I went over monday night and stayed and when I left I knew I was compromising and becoming everything I did not want to be. I told myself when my ex husband and I split up that I would never become someone's one night stand or weekend hook up, but that's exactly what this feels like. So I'm going to tell him that even though I care deeply for him, I just can't do this anymore. I know it's going to be hard, but I have to do it. The problem is, I just don't think I'm strong enough.Cont.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:21 AM on Jul. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • to stay away from him, even though I know I have to, for my own self esteem and well being. If he did want a relationship I would stay with him in a heartbeat, but I know that's not what he wants right now. How do I stay away from him? How do I do this? It's going to hurt SO bad, but I don't want just a weekend fling, yet I love being with him. I know what I have to do I just needed some encouragement and advice this morning, anything would be apprecieated!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:23 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • You can do it. Recognizing what is bothering you was the first step, and you are ready to move on and to find a healthier relationship. You go girl!!!!
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:25 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • Thank you! Everyone tells me how strong I am, how strong I've been after my divorce, but in all honesty I don't feel strong, especially when it comes to him. I've been praying a lot and reading my bible, asking God to help me let go of him. I just hope I do have the stregnth to say to him what I need to say, because I want him to know why I'm not going to see him anymore, I don't want to leave things unsaid or undone. I'm pretty sure he knows how I feel about him though, I just wish I meant more to him than this!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:29 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • Yes you can stop seeing him. In a cycle of "dead end" relationships, we've all had plenty, you have to determine when enough is enough for you and you realize you're fed up. You are at that "I've had enough of this, I'm worth more" stage. Good for you.

    If he wants a booty call then advise him to go hire someone. You were in the relationship to fulfill a relationship, not to ensure he gets laid. Huge distinction. If he can't grasp that reality then toss him a warm towel and a bottle of lotion...he can figure it out from there.

    Most self absorbed men don't realize that we as women determine our self worth. There is nothing tying you there to him, he's really not that interesting and it was your CHOICE to stay for the moment. Just as you made the choice to stay you can make the choice to leave. GOOD FOR YOU!!

    You realize you need more to sustain you as a woman, something deeper and more involved. Good Luck to you.
    lilbit022009

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 8:32 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • (( hugs ))

    Remember that many, or most, guys tune out of a long explanation. So my advice would be to keep yours very short and to the point. He likely won't be interested in an analysis of your feelings, sadly to say. I'd sure whatever you decide to say will be fine. I think I'd stick with something such as this isn't working for me and I need to find a relationship that is better for me.... But as I say, you know the situation and what to say.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:33 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • i have to say i agree with all posts. and agree short and sweet and right to the point.. best of luck u can do it and u can move on and find that one good guy.just give it sometime. xoxo
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 8:42 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • I apprecieate those answers so much, because as I sit here at work thinking about what I'm going to say and how I"m going to say it, I'm very sad that it's ending. I had such high hopes for us. Anyway, should I do it over the phone or in person?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:43 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • You are doing the right thing! I was in a "relationship" like that after breaking up with my ex of 6 years, it's easy to fall into. He even told me he loved me a few times but kept insisting he didn't want a serious relationship. He was only saying what he thought I wanted to hear to keep me around until he met somebody he felt was "better suited" to him. It might hurt to do it now, but if you hang around and it ends up the same way mine did, you'll hurt a lot more then. Good luck hun, and good for you, you CAN do it!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:47 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • Wow six years, how often did you guys see each other? It's a cycle of about twice a month for us now, but he does live an hour and 15 minutes away too. How did he react when you broke it off?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • I would do it in person b/c it seems a little childish to do it over the phone. Just make you explanation short and sweet and get it over with. If he wants a relationship then he will know where to find you. I wish you luck. My ex and I went through this for 4 years. I was young and stupid and realized that I had to grow up and move on. Congratulations for trying to save your self esteem and YOU can DO this.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 8:54 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

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