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How do I get over the pain of missing the baby I placed for adoption a year ago?

I placed my daughter to be adopted by a wonderful couple before she was even born. She was born 6 weeks early and had to be rushed to another hospital that was more equiped to care for her. Her adpotive mother never left her side, but I was living in a hotel with my two year old daughter and recovering for the c-section that became infected. I never even got to see my child or even say good bye to her. I got sent one picture of her in the hospital the her adoptive mother sent me. I can't get over the fact that I never told her how much I love her.

 
ssilva

Asked by ssilva at 10:52 AM on Jul. 30, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (5)
  • I am so sorry for your loss, which must be amplified by the fact that you never even got to say hello or goodbye. Why not write to the adoptive couple and explain how sad you are that because of the circumstances surrounding her birth this happened and how much this hurts you. If they are as wonderful as you say I'm sure they would arrange a meeting. In the meantime look for a support group and/or a therapist to help you through your grieving process.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:39 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • Can you perhaps write her a letter and send it through the adoption agency? It is not the same as seeing her but maybe it would make you feel a little better? You would know then that she would know.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:57 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • It might not mean much but you should be so proud of yourself for making such an unselfish decision. My heart goes out to you. Like the previous post said write a letter to the adoption agency and explain the situation. GL and just remember you did what was best for her.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 11:03 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • A letter thru the agency would be a great idea, as well as keeping a journal of your own thoughts & feelings. There may come a time where she'll want to know more details and your love & feelings are important now, as well as in the future. I don't think there's a way to erase the feelings of loss you have. Could you contact the agency about updates and pics, since you have only received one? Perhaps see if a visit is possible?
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 11:26 AM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • A more realistic hope is that you find ways to deal with your loss. Rarely is it possible to "get over" the loss of a child to adoption. However, you can find ways to heal and handle it better. Time alone will probably not ease your sadness, you may need to actively work towards healing. Support groups and skilled adoption therapists CAN help a great deal as well.

    Most of the suggestions others made are good ones. However, if you are like most birth moms relinquishing your child may not be something you feel proud of. I don't know your situation enough to know if it was a selfless decision, one made freely, or even if you had enough honest information to have made an informed choice. I hesitate to make the usual presumptions that might not fit your situation.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 10:28 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

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