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What would you do?

I'm asking for a friend, and I honsetly do not understand how anyone would do this as my family is nothing like this, but here goes.

My friend's mother in law watches her daughter. From the time she was a baby until now (she's 4) she's been hording her clothing, bottles, sippy cups, etc. Friend will send daughter over with an outfit and a few changes for MIL to have plus a few pair of jammies. MIL sends child home in a differnet outfit, one that no longer fits and keeps the one that does. Friends is always complaining that she has no clothing for daughter becuase MIL has all the clothing that fits. Daughter just had a b-day and MIL had the party at her house and keep all the clothing to wash (what a nice MIL) but has not given any back to friend. So friend still has no clothing that fits. MIL is kind enough to baby sit for free, so friend can only do so much before losing that benefit. Any ideas? continued below

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:13 PM on Jul. 30, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • I recommended going over when they are on vacation and taking what they need. But at some point, MIL is just going to collect the clothing again. Friend mentioned that she needed some and MIL said she'd come over to see what friend had before giving her any. WTH? It's friends daughter and daughter's clothing! I just don't understand. ANy ideas on how to approach this? Friend just had another baby so MIL will be watching him too. And I'm sure it's only a matter of time before all his clothing and bottles end up at her house, too.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • It is her child and she has every right to tell the MIL she wants the clothes back. The husband should help in this situation as well. When she sends her daughter only send one set of clothing she is 4 now so she should only need 1 extra set.

    Answer by robinsi2000 at 1:22 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • She should start sending her dd and the new baby with only one outfit, the one they are wearing. Only 1 bottle for the baby, no sippys--since she has these already. Just stop sending things over there, her MIL has enough things for the kids. If MIL says anything, just tell her to say she didn't really have any extra stuff and knew that MIL has it covered! I babysit my 3 year old gs, his mom does send things for him, I will wash his things and sent them back, maybe not always the exact same thing, but I only keep a few changes of clothes, a pair of PJ's and several underwear as he is potty training. I have my own sippys I bought for him, I also bought my own underwear for him. When I do laundry I make sure she gets most of his things back. I do however let him leave toys here or take toys I"ve bought for him home, they are his toys....we have enough toys around here.

    Answer by robinann5 at 1:50 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • first stop seninding so many extas if she has that many then just say nicley well i know you have a few changes of cloths and so im not packing so much all the time just keep them for when you need them ok. and then send them in older play cloths. and on geting some back go there in older cloths and when shes out of the room mess up her out fit for her drip some ketchup or spill a little drink and say oh man can i get a change of cloths for her then ya know where they are and can sneek them some time and you get one nice one back.

    Answer by Justice09 at 1:54 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • How about stop dancing around it and call the mil on her actions? I'd say, "I sent Betty-Boo over here with a polka dotted shirt, can I have it back please?" Don't leave until the girl is wearing what she came in. Stop sending extra stuff over there and let the mil know that she notices that her stuff is missing and that she needs it back at home.

    Otherwise, this free child care really isn't free. Not if you have no more clothes & supplies at home.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • Don't giver her anymore clothes! She obviously has enough there. Just send her in play clothes that aren't her best. She can't really complain, she's getting free daycare. It's not like her MIL is doing anything that is harming the child. Why would she leave all the birthday presents? That is weird. At 4 you don't need to wash everything first anymore. But even if she wanted to, she should have done that herself!! I think she just has to live with this problem.

    Answer by mompam at 2:28 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • I would shoot straight from the hip. Tell her to tell her MIL, she is not loaded, and she needs to have the kids clothes returned. I find this really bizzare behavior btw. I don't understand what the thinking is behind her keeping clothes. Very strange.

    Answer by salexander at 2:31 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • I would stop sending any extra clothes with, no extra bottles,sippies, etc Obviously, MIL has plenty of her own. She could also, tell the MIL to give back her daughters clothes.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 2:54 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • tell her to give back clothing or she just want see them again and dont send any more clothing over there with her if she has clothes for them

    Answer by lagurl at 4:57 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • Why doesn't she collect the child's belongings with the child?

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:17 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

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