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Step parenting with none of my own children...?

I have none of my own children. I will be marrying a man who has two beautiful daughters, 3 & 4, I took care of my step-sister as a teenager, worked in nurseries and daycares, so my experience with children isn't limited. However, those children all went home at the end of the day. His children live with him full-time. I love him and his girls more than anything. I'm not sure how to approach the whole situation and know there are many mothers and step mothers on here who could help, any advice of previous experiences you may have had please share! I appreciate it so much!

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stepmomtobe09

Asked by stepmomtobe09 at 3:44 PM on Jul. 30, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Don't stress about it! It's not like you have never met them right?! Just take it one day at a time, the same principals should apply when at a work situation such as daycare as in the home.
    jenree33

    Answer by jenree33 at 3:48 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • I have a stepson who is 14. His father and I started dating when the son was 12. We didn't get married till this February and because we both had house I didn't move in with my son till March. However, him having a teenage son is an eye opener. Somedays are great and others I want to wring his neck.

    He's mouthy at times and it catches him off guard when I return to courtesy. He smart mouthed me one time and I laid in to him that I will not tolerate being disrespected because that's how he and his Dad talk to each other. He knows not to cross me. I don't allow anyone to pop off to me.

    You and DH need to sit down and lay out ground rules for the kids. That's something that needs to be understood upfront. They will test you, it's just a matter of being ready.
    lilbit022009

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 3:48 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • You and dad have to first discuss things like discipline, this is usually the biggest problem when it comes to step parenting, so I would have all of those ground rules figured out first....and then you just love them and treat them as if they are your own. You will also have to understand that not everything they do or say is because your are the step-parent, but because they are kids and next don't take things with the step-kids personal.

    Good luck, they are young so that will be a huge help!
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 3:55 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • I think the biggest issue is letting your SO help you decide what your "role" should be. Talk about it, change it when it is not working.. Also NEVER NEVER NEVER be anything but nice about bio mom in ear shot of the kids.
    say_tay

    Answer by say_tay at 4:22 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • You need to join at least one of the many stepparenting groups here on Cafemom.

    Then you need to realize that they're cute now, but in 10 years when the hormones hit them full-on, you're going to be the whore who stole their daddy from them and made him mean. Before YOU daddy would have given them ANYTHING! Etc.

    My usual response to people who haven't joined the joys of stepparenting yet is to RUN, not walk, to the nearest exit. Since you're custodial, you might not suffer quite as much as the rest of us do, though. :)

    Also, you need to nail your fiancé to the wall about whether and when you'll be having children together. That's a common issue that can rip stepfamilies apart.
    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 12:59 AM on Jul. 31, 2009

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