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I am just curious as I don't think I even care anymore.

My husband plays games online. He used to do WOW, now it is some other one... Whatever. For the first 2 years of our relationship this was an issue we really went back and forth on and finally he cut back... A LOT. I am almost convinced he did so just long enough for us to actually get married because I had told him a number of times how he gaming left me lonely, alone in raising our children, alone in OUR life ect. and that I was unsure if I wanted to comit to a relationship that was so LONELY! He turned around and was awesome... We are awesome other than the game issue.
But since we married, he has gone right back to his games. And ya know, I don't think I even care anymore. But now we are married. The whole thing just makes me not care enough to fight, talk about it again or even be angry anymore. I am very independent and I am not afraid to be on my own with my kids...It is just such a disapointment. Any words of wisdom?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:56 PM on Jul. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Sit him down and tell him that you are unhappy with the way things are and the games have to go or atleast something like 2 hours a week. Make sure that you get across that you are serious
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:58 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • Girl you sound alot like me! My husband used to play Ever Quest ALL THE TIME. It was like his only world! He quit once he found out that I was developing a relationship with another man. But now that I've cut ties with this other man I wonder if it's possible he'll go back to doing it again. He still sits at his computer, as do i, but he doesn't play the game. could this be an on going habit you think? Will my relationship with him always be lonely?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:00 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • ya'll need to comprimise. He can game for x amount of time and then he has to spend the rest of the time with you. That way you both win.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 4:02 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • Hey OP if you wanna talk send me a message. I'm anon :00. I know what you're going through. I didn't wanna show my name because I was ashamed about the other man thing.
    Imogine

    Answer by Imogine at 4:02 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • By the way, we have been together almost 4 years and married since Feb 2009. We have a daughter together and one due in November 2009. I also have a son. I am done having children. So, essentially, he has been gaming about 3 years of the 4 we have been together.
    I am very educated and able to care for myself and my kids even without his support. And I feel that at this point, he is choosing to forsake us for a game. Fine for me, I am just sad that now, either I am obligated to an empty relationship or my children will be from a broken home. Bummer.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:03 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • I think most of us women can understand what you are going through. My hubby didn't let on about his gaming until after we were married though. Between that and a porn addiction that was also hidden, it got bad. We are doing much better these days once he realized I was serious about not dealing with those things. I'm here if you need to talk. Btw....do his other family members play games? My hubbys family sees nothing wrong with porn or sitting around for hours and even days just playing games. I am not even joking when I say they don't always shower. Once he seen that was not the way I was raised and not the way I wanted to raise a family, he changed his ways. He has recently started his game again and sometimes ignores the kids when they are talking. But he doesn't play nearly what he used to because I take the computer :)
    VintageWife

    Answer by VintageWife at 4:11 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • Ha! We have done all of the above. We have talked, comprimised, discussed respecting each other's personal ambitions and down time. And even scheduled free time to do what ever we want. It is great for a week or two and then he just stays up after I go to bed (@10-12pm). He just games until 4-5 am. And then goes to work and sleeps when he gets home. I go to bed and he games til 4-5 am. Ha!
    I was raised to respect marriage and I really feel like we are failing at this but then I feel like HE is failing at this more. I am very rational and I have tried to see his point but he just keeps pushing. And now, I just don't think I care anymore.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:11 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • When we signed up for WOW , I warned my husband about this. He (and my DS10) are big into video games. I learned to play with him. I love the fact that my character is now a higher level than his..hehe.
    However, I can FEEL the indifference in your post. If you honestly just don't care anymore, that is worse for the relationship than being angry. With anger there is at least still emotion there. Talk to him.. (or IM him if that is the case) how you feel.,
    say_tay

    Answer by say_tay at 4:12 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • If it doesn't make you angry, why do you feel the need to leave him? See, marriage isn't about changing the other person. It can only be about changing yourself. What you need to do is set yourself some boundaries and then you tell him what those are. There have to be consequences for actions, in order for a person to want to make any kind of changes. Your nagging at him and fussing about what he's doing are no big deal to him. But how about you start taking the children and going to a movie or doing whatever else you enjoy doing, and leaving him to play his silly games? Or better yet, how about you have the computer removed from your home? If you can be your own person somewhere else, why not be your own person with the man who is the father of your children? There's no need to leave. Not being lonely does not depend on whether or not you have a man or not. It's all in your attitude, and that you can change.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:54 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • Hummm, I grew up in a home where my parents co-exsisted. I don't want that for my kids is why I would want to leave. Co-esxixting is a shell of a home and I will be raising two daughters and I don't want them to just 'settle' for such a life either. I don't nag or fuss. I don't even comment. I take the kids to church, the YMCA, all sport events and even up to my home town for the weekend... all by myself so he can play his silly games. He seems to be under the impression that we are just 'past' that phase of our relationship. He is happy we are. The thing now, is that I am not lonely really anymore, I am disappointed, irritated sometimes. I am very much so my own person. That is the part that used to be hurtful. I thought we were a part of a unit, a team, a couple. But we aren't. I know he loves me and I do love him. If I left he would be very hurt and the idea makes me sick. But, I as a woman, am being wasted by his ignorance
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:20 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

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