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he just told me he has HERPES! what do i do now???

i met someone on an internet dating service (a very very popular one). we went out a few times, and we got along PERFECTLY. we are so compatable it's scary. we started a sexual relationship (wiith condoms) and are even more compatable in bed. well, after the third time we had sex, he said "there's something i have to tell you". yeah, he has had herpes for a year. i am upset because he didn't tell me before we had sex, and now i'm scared, and unsure about what to do next?? any advice?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:19 PM on Jul. 30, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • He should have told you before you ever had relations. That is disrespectful, dishonest, and illegal (I believe). I wouldn't stay with him.

    Answer by allans_girl at 9:20 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • Yeah, I think that would be the end of the relationship for me. Not b/c he has herpes, but b/c he had so little respect and consideration for me that he didn't even bother to tell me until AFTER we had sex. I think I also would go to my dr and explain that I had sex, using condoms, with someone who informed me after the fact that he had herpes, and that I'd like to be tested and find out just how likely it is that you could have contracted it from him. Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:24 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • OP HERE. i told him that i was very upset that he didn't tell me before. and his reply was "i wouldn't have put you at risk unless i wasn't 100% sure you couldn't get it".
    i don't know much about it, but i think that there is always a percentage....

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:26 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • I found out i had it while pregnant! it is not that big of a deal. just use protection! and there are preventative medicines which he can take to stave off outbreaks which i took while i was pregnant. it is not a deadly disease or anything. i have no clue how long i had it before getting pregnant but i never had an outbreak before, during or after my pregnancy! so many people have Herpes now, i heard once it was close to half the population. it's not a big deal, really!

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 9:26 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • I think its a bit disrespectful but then again he is a perfect match for you. There must be a way you can try to work things out even with this problem. No one is perfect and he may just be the one. You just need to sit down with him and set things straight and tell him how you feel and that you want him to be more honest with you up front. You don't wanna have trust issues early on. But he was honest with you very soon and he must have been scared and didnt want to run you off on the first date. Its all good.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:28 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • if you have ever had a cold sore.......NEWSFLASH people..... you have Herpes!!!!

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 9:29 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • I would dump him if you cant trust him to tell you the truth what if he has aids too then tells you a week later or he could be married You should never start a relationship on a lie it normally ends in divorce or worse

    Answer by newmom183 at 9:29 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • it was very disrespectful of him to do this. my sister went thru the same thing. she was mortified. but she actually had outbreaks (he didnt tell her at all until she had the sores and she asked him) but herpes actually does go away. my sister had it only for a couple of months with very few outbreaks and it was in her system but then went away. its totally gone now. you have to do vaccinnes and stuff like that. also, i believe its only illegal if you know you have AIDS and you dont tell someone because that causes death...herpes doesnt. also, my sister's husband didnt get herpes. just use protection. GL

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:36 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • Herpes NEVER goes away, there is no vaccine for it and it doesn't ever "leave" your system. And most of the time it's spread when there's no symptoms.
    And you can catch it even while using a condom (oral, or outer genitals can be infected, in fact there's no place on your body that can't be infected).
    But, if you do/did catch it, with treatment the outbreaks get few and fewer in between and things like hormone changes (such as pregnancy and that time of the month) bring it on, as well as stress.
    It's not a death sentence and it's very common now to have it.
    You should have been told BEFORE any type of touching or kissing was done because you can spread it thru kissing too but no one wants to share that information with someone until they're sure they can trust them to not spread it around or run immediately.
    Talk to your doctor before you make any decisions... read about it online and decide if it's as deal breaker.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:54 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

  • I agree that it's not a big deal. My husband spread it to me and didn't even know that he had it himself and it is true that if you get cold sores, that you have herpes. You can take the daily therapy and it helps to prevent you from passing it on and also female condoms are more effective in preventing the spread of it. It is not a death sentence definately. It's like anything get a cold and you take medicine to make it go away. You get an outbreak and you take medicine to make it go away. It's really like I don't even have it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:02 PM on Jul. 30, 2009

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