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My Daughter will be meeting her Birthmother

Our daughter has known she was adopted all her life. We have always been open about her birthmother and have shared photos and letters which we would receive throughout the years. She is now almost 20 and has been corresponding with her bm for a few months and a meeting is scheduled to happen in a couple of weeks. I am nervous, excited, anxious - you name it and I wonder if anyone else has gone through this.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:09 PM on Jul. 30, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (6)
  • Hi, I have 3 friends who are adopted but never knew them through out their lives when they did meet all 3 situations weren't good & wish they never met them but your sounds like a different situation
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 AM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • My perspective is that of a mother who relinquished a child and had a reunion nearly 32 years later after he found me. The first face-to-face meeting with my son was one of the best experiences of my life, and I have had a long and full life. He and I met with no one else around, and I think that is generally preferable.

    Many adoptive moms have had children or adults who have reconnected with their birth moms. Some handle it with grace and confidence, as my son's amom did. Others are insecure, jealous and make reunion hard and uncomfortable for their children. The best advice I can offer you is to support your daughter the best you can and hope that first meeting goes well. I feel so fortunate that my son's adoptive mom has been supportive of our reunion, and been very kind and considerate. We have shown each other mutual affection and respect, and never put our son in the middle. That's how it should be.



    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 1:08 AM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I am at the other end of your experience. My sons parents and I corresponded and I reunited with him 3 years ago. He's 21 now. That me and my son and his amom in my avatar. We are celebrating his 21st birthday. Normal amom feelings are fear that the adoptee will love the bmom more, so if you are feeling that, you're not alone. However, the truth is that reunion usually results in a deepening of closeness between the aparents and the adoptee. There's a fantastic book on reunion written by an adult adoptee called "Birthright: A guide to search and reunion for Adoptees, Birth Parents and Adoptive Parents by Jean A Struass that I highly recommend. I own a group called Adoption Reunion http://www.cafemom.com/group/14715  I would LOVE to see more amoms there, please check it out.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:25 AM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Here is a link to an online Adoptee Support Group article called "Recommendations for Adoptive Parents". There's plenty in there about reunion. http://chosen-babies.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=44:recommendations-for-adoptive-parents&catid=36:recreading&Itemid=54

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:29 AM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • How exciting and scary for all involved. I wish you all the best.
    pagirl71

    Answer by pagirl71 at 11:58 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • I was so nervous meeting my birthmother for the first time! I was so glad to have my parents to support me every step of the way. They never pushed, just let me know they were there for me when I needed them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Aug. 26, 2009

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