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SIL Question...Would this peeve you?

Last year my bro and sil took my dd on a trip to visit my mom,it was a cross country thing they flew. My dd is 9. My dd has ADHD and is a difficult kid at times. I had told them that before they took her. I just found out that she was snotty w/my sil. My sil used to be really loving toward my dd but now she treats her very differently. She told my mom that my dd was unappreciative. Exactly how much appreciation should my nine year old have shown? I thanked them repeatedly,so did my dd. I even bought a Thank You card that she signed and sent to them. It makes me sad for my dd because I don't think it is right for a grown-up to take their love away from a child. How would you feel?

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Asked by momthruivf at 9:15 AM on Jul. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,284 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • i'd be pissed. unless you're daughter was horribly disrespectful (cussing, hitting, stealing etc..) than she should realize 1. shes 9 2. you warned her that she would be hard to handle and 3. she did say thank you and even sent a thank you card (even if you had her do it, she sent it and that is not something most kids do). so ya i'd be pissed and upset with my sister in law, maybe if you sit down and find out exactly what it is that upset her so much you guys can talk it out, b/c it seems to me that since she was even willing to take your daughter cross country in the first place, you and her had a good relationship, and she and your daughter did as well. so maybe its still salvageable if you talk it over?

    Answer by vabchmommy at 9:19 AM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I took my niece and nephew to New Orleans last month. Thinking this would be a great experience for my bro kids to come with dh and our son, we all packed up and drove there. My niece is very snotty and rude when it suits her. She was corrected more than once, as were all the kids when they got out of line.

    My niece went back and told her mother one side of the story about me getting on to her and nothing about why I got on to her. My ex-SIL has informed my bro that she will sue me for taking her kids on a weekend trip. She is more than welcome to do so as both she and my niece are exactly alike. If she does pursue this then I would like to be reimbursed for 1/3 of the trip cost, hotel and fuel. DH and I paid for everything and our kids and nephew enjoyed everything. It's just my niece who truly enjoys being the center of attention and a pain in the ass. She won't be going on the next trip.

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 9:20 AM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I totally get where you are coming from. I would ask the SIL what your daughter did that was so heinous. Maybe bring that up to your daughter as well if you find out something different other than what she told you.

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 9:22 AM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I'm so in agreement with these answers. I'm just realizing how much my children give me part of the story and play me against others (even my husband).

    I would also like to share one thing that really does tick me off when I'm treating a child to something special... not being happy with what is offered-specifically food. It is so rude when a child thinks it's alright to say "I don't like that" or "can I have xxx instead?" My mother taught me that when I was being treated as a guest, I accepted all gifts with grace even if it didn't appeal to me. More parents need to teach their children to accept whatever it offered and not complain. If a child wants to be picky, they can be a little hungry until they get home. Is it possible that the SIL was experiencing some of this?

    Answer by wingspouse at 9:55 AM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Wow I think your sil is taking things way too far. She should look at her own behavior too-- maybe she was expecting too much from dd and failed to remember dd is a child- they get snotty and act up sometimes. Also- did she do anything to dd to make her act snotty? Is sil childless? The reason I ask -my sis is childless and I have seen how she is with my kids-- she does not understand what it is like to be a parent to them or what it is like to deal with them and special needs on a daily basis. (oldest is ASD). And sometimes when she has them she can't handle it.
    As for being appreciative-- I would think a verbal 'thank you' and your nice card would be sufficient.

    Answer by MizLee at 10:07 AM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Firstly,Thanks for all your replys.
    Believe me,I don't just take my dd's word for things! It was my Mom that told me about my sil having a problem w/dd's behavior. I noticed that my sil was not sweet to my dd anymore. She had used to call her a cute nickname and so forth. My sil and I have never been very close. My dd was 8 years old at the time and does have ADHD. I even warned my brother that she might be difficult. My Mom just said that would not mind sil. Yes,there is a very good chance that my dd did not like some of the food served. She is picky. My sil and brother have one child and she is an angel-I adore her. She is not a picky eater and she does not have ADHD-not that I would love her anyless.

    Answer by momthruivf at 10:35 AM on Jul. 31, 2009

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