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So my step daughter missed her deadline. What do we do next?

We gave our her until July 31 to get a job. She graduated in May. Not only has she not gotten a job she has not looked. I would have mercy on her if I knew she was actively looking. She is so spoiled. I am at my wits end with her. I even offered to take her shopping for professional clothes for interviewing and work. She has stood me up twice. What girl does not like to shop? She says she is just hanging out with friends and her boyfriend. She keeps borrowing the car. Now she is over at her moms because she never enforces rules on her. She will be 23 soon!!! She still is on our cell phone bill and car insurance. They were suppose to be off as of June 1. I am big on responsibility. How would you proceed?

 
oliviahank

Asked by oliviahank at 11:27 AM on Jul. 31, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 8 (261 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • You do whatever it is you said you would do - nothing more and nothing less. Just make sure your husband is involved and not surprised that you have actually done it. It sounds like she really does need a harsh wake up call to get her act together. She may be mad for a while, but hopefully down the road she will look back and see that you have actually done her a favor. At 23 she really does need to learn to be self sufficient.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:46 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Well I would say she can stay at her mothers house. Anything you told her about getting a job by that deadline you to to follow through with. Stop paying things for her. Stop supporting her period! She is adult and she can't just live life the way she is. She needs woman up and do the things she is supposed to.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:31 AM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • First of all, I am a firm believer that the bio parents should be the rule makers. I've seen too many step families fall apart because Dad expected step mom to lay down the law and the kids resent it.


    If you can get Dad to enforce it, I would cut her off.  No phone, no car. If mom picks up the slack there isn't much you can do about it. Otherwise you will have a 30 year old living with you. You can ask my brother :)

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • a deadline is a deadline. You have to say what you mean and mean what you say. Tell her that as of Monday she no longer is on your cell phone plan or insurance. Tell her to move her stuff to her mom's house or the friends she hangs out with. The party is over and it's time to clean house
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:46 AM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • easy do not allow her to borrow your car. cancel her cell phone and remove her from your car insurance. Do not buy her things or give her $$$. If you continue to give in and forgive deadlines she will never learn and will still be living with you when she is 53
    justgrape723

    Answer by justgrape723 at 12:20 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Follow through with whatever consequences you told her would happen if she did not get a job. Simple. If you said she would be cut off, then do it. If you don't , then you're no different from anyone else who doesn't enforce rules.
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 12:35 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • drop her cell phone. at 23 she should pay for it. no car for her either, cause who is paying for the gas? let alone the insurance? she should have had a part time job long ago......but anyways. take things away. she is well beyond the point of being an adult. at 23 i moved 1000 miles away from my friends and family, had a real job and got married not long after that. time to grow up.
    MissHeidi0304

    Answer by MissHeidi0304 at 12:37 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • She's old enough to be responsible for herself. cut the phone, no more free room and board, etc. SHe's going to have to learn to be an adult the hard way, it seesm.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Stop enabling her. No more borrowing the car. Have her cell phone put in her name. Take her off the car insurance. Present her with a lease for her room.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 2:39 PM on Jul. 31, 2009