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How long would you wait to get engaged!!?

We've been together for over a couple years now. He keeps telling me we will get engaged. We've talked about getting engaged after 3 weeks of dating!! Over 2 years later and still no ring!!! He hasn't saved up a freakin dime. Over the past 8 months he takes me to jewelry stores and we look at rings...then NOTHING!!! I get to watch all my friends get engaged and getting pregnant but I haven't even gotten engaged! I am so mad at him for doing this to me!! Why tell me you wanna marry me and then do NOTHING to get to that next step!! I know he loves me and probably does want to marry me but why the procrastination!!? I've been ballin and depressed for months over this. I feel like I am wasting my time on a relationship that will never move ahead. I am 25 with a son from my previous marriage, so we don't have children together. We absolutely love this man. Let me know your thoughts. I am just sick of playing house. No sex 4 him!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:31 PM on Jul. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • I dated my husband for 10 years before he asked me to marry him... and I was 7 months pregnant...... I'm 26 now and we been married for a month and a half... I figured If we put up with each other dating to 10 and a half years ( with heartache involved i might add) we can stay married forever.... and I would've kept waiting til he was ready to ask me.... I knew it was coming at some point
    marchma2b

    Answer by marchma2b at 12:34 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • If i were you i would tell him how i felt tell him you love him but that you don't want to wait for ever and a ring isn't that important my husband didn't have to money to buy me a real ring he got one from jcpenny for like 25 but i didnt care because i loved him tell him its not about money and that you fell lonely and if at all possible tell him he has a certain mount of time or your going to find someone that is not afraid of you that's a little harsh and might cause a fight so i would use that as a last resort but he cant keep dragging you around its not right.
    newmom183

    Answer by newmom183 at 12:36 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • And if you absolutely love him.... than love him unconditionally also.... wait for him...... before everytime I thought he might ask me he bought a new toy... a car... or a motorcycle... It was frustrating yes... but eventually like I said after 10 years he took out a 5 thousand somethin dollar loan and bought me my dream ring from steven singer! And I love him for it! and for many other reasons too... haha
    marchma2b

    Answer by marchma2b at 12:36 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • OP here. Yea, but I am 25yrs old!! I WILL NOT have a baby till I am married. I don't believe in that (no offense to anyone who has had kids out of wedlock) and I want a baby in the next 5 yrs. He knows this. He knows I am upset. We haven't talked. I wouldn't mind waiting if he hadn't promised we'd be engaged by 2 yrs..by teasing me by looking at rings. Its like he is pushing it off. He knows how important this is to me but I don't think its as important to him
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:39 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • One sure fire way to stop him from asking is by doing exactly what you are doing. You can't punish, demand, sulk, withhold sex, etc. etc. etc. and expect him to do what you want. I wouldn't want to marry you acting that way either, I don't blame him, and to be honest, why on EARTH would you want to get engaged knowing that you forced him to ask you? My husband and I dated almost 4 years before he asked and I had no idea, it was all him, I wasn't in a rush to marry, and the fact that he went out, picked a ring and planned a night and did this all on his own melts me to this day. If you need to be married and he's not marrying you, its up to you leave and go find someone that will marry you, but do not, I repeat, do not threaten him, give him an ultimatum, punish or push him to do this. Big mistake.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 12:46 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I think my limit would be 3 years. I think that is definitely enough time to decide whether you want to marry someone or not. It would be hard to give the person that I loved an ultimatum, but I have never been married && I want to be. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't jump in && say yes to the first person that asked, [[I have been asked twice && turned them both down b/c I knew they weren't the right person for me]], but like I said after 2 or 3 years, you know whether or not you want to be with someone. Like you said, you're just playing house. You need to talk to him about this. You may think he knows how you feel, but most of the time men don't pick up on subtle hints, you have to flat out tell them. He needs to make up his mind or you need to move on. I understand that you love him, but if you want marriage && he doesn't then you will just end up resenting him for it. Maybe you won't have to give him an ultimatum....
    HisMommySince07

    Answer by HisMommySince07 at 12:49 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I feel your pain. You have to make a choice. He can drag you along to all the jewelry stores and make empty promises all he wants. The fact is, he is enjoying playing house with you and not having to pony up and make good on his promise. So, IMO, I would move out with my child and start all over.

    I have done this before and been a single mother for years before I met my DH. I don't play house with anyone, I am not your lifetime girlfriend and you're not camping out at my place just to get laid and lead my baby and I on into thinking that we have a life with you if you aren't doing anything to prove it to me.

    Cut your losses now. In your next relationship I would suggest keeping your little one from getting attached to people. Your son needs to trust solely in you right now and no one else.
    lilbit022009

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 1:01 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I'll just add that if you are looking for marriage #2 at age 25 you may want to consider taking it a bit more slowly for the sake of your child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • OP here:
    gramsmom, I wouldnt be acting this way if he hadn't kept leading me on to believe it would be soon. He promised we would be engaged by 2yrs!! He keeps getting my hopes up and then "forgetting" to plan it. I resent him for breakin my heart and playing games with me. Trust me, he knows why I am upset...I have told him how I feel about what he is doing. He says he wants to get engaged. I told him to prove it!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:13 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • my first marriage was to my highschool sweetheart. we met at 15. We divorced when I was 23...he was abusive. Different story. I am not going to play house. Either we make us a family or I am going to go nuts!! I am sick of broken promises!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

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