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In some desperate need of some GOOD Advice

My DD father and I moved in w/ my parents a few months ago. Two weeks ago he decided he needed to move out b/c him being there was causing problems between my mom and him, and her and my dad. He got an apartment not far from us. I told him I wasn't going b/c the apartment wasn't "baby ready" (no drywall in the bathroom and pealing paint). Well he got upset about that and some other things and we broke up. Well now he wants to be together but wants to go to counceling because we were talking about getting married. My parents told me that I shouldn't go back with him and I should cut all ties with him, and I shouldn't let him see his daughter untill the court says so. My mom said that if him and I got back together she was going to kick me out. If she does I don't have anywhere to go. I love my daugthers dad and really want to work things out, but I don't want to get kicked out or have my parents mad at me. Any advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:04 PM on Jul. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • have the apt fixed and move in with him and wish mom and dad well. You are an adult and don't need to be mooching off of them anyway. You have a family with bd, go be with him and act like a mature adult.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:08 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Exactly what are your parents reasoning for them wanting you to cut all ties with him? It sounds like he is trying to be the adult here with wanting to go to counseling and everything...so your parents just don't like him?? I went through a very similar situation with my parents. They HATED my husband untill the day I married him (my father didn't even attend the wedding) I was heart broken. My mom told me that night that they talked about it and they came to an agreement that they didn't want to lose me and their future grandchildren because of their dislike for my husband. They decided to be adults and gave him a chance...They said there must be something great about him if I loved him enough to marry him. Now almost after 10 years of being together and 6 years of being married my family is stronger than ever....
    You need to work it out for the sake of your daughter....Your parents will not disown you.
    SecretSuzy

    Answer by SecretSuzy at 2:10 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • You need to put the big girl panties on and be the wife and mother. Your time for just being a daughter is over. You are now a mom and a SO. You need to decide where you want to be. Understand when I tell you this, if you leave the baby's father and choose the path your folks want for you now then you will continue to do what they want from now on. Be ready for that.
    lilbit022009

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 2:10 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Unless....he is dangerous. I mean he abuses you or something and they are looking out for you?
    SecretSuzy

    Answer by SecretSuzy at 2:11 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • If you really want to make this work with your dd's father you need to move in with him. His self-esteem was probaly hurt when you wouldn't move in the apartment with him. It was kind of an insult to him saying what he had wasn't good enough for you and your child. Just go ahead and move in and do the best you can to fix it up.
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 2:14 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Wow, tough position your mom has put you in. You need to let your child see her father. Of course since she is a baby it would be best for you to be there unless she is used to being cared for by him alone. Find out what kind of visitation he wants and see if he can be reasonable.

    I think you and the baby seeing him several times a week would be reasonable. The courts would think a lot more. If you don't let him see the baby at all that can and will be used against you if he wants to in a custody or visitation battle.

    He will need to find a new apartment if he want the baby to be there at all. Don't go there with the baby. Since you aren't together go and file for custody, visitation, and support.

    Tell your mom if she wants to play that game if she throws you out she won't see her grandchild. It is good if you go to counseling because you will always have a child together.


    GailllAZ

    Answer by GailllAZ at 2:14 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • My parents want me to leave him for good because every job he's had in the last two years he has quit. One because he was supposed to have back surgery, 1 because it was a hostile environment (his boss was throwing stuff at him), and one just because he couldn't deal with his co-workers anymore (after been there for a while). He's employed full time (it's only seasonal for now and part time in the winter. They also want me to cut ties because he smokes pot to help his back. he has a completly dehydrated disc in his back that the marine corps refuse to pay to have fixed (he fell in a training for the USMC). And because he said some hurtful stupid things to me when we were fighting (everyone says stupid stuff they regret while fighting at one time or another). They also don't want me to get married to him because he's got 28,000 in debt that he hasn't really been paying on. we both agreed to pay our debt while in counceling
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:17 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • If you think there is any possibility that he is serious and that this might lead to commitment in marriage, I would go to my mom and ask her permission to go to counseling with him and to still live with her while we were doing that. I would also tell her that I would be willing to discuss with her the progress made during the counseling and I would ask for her thoughts about changes that she was seeing in both of you. There are too many instances of women getting into really dangerous situations because they did not listen to the wisdom of their parents. So, if you agree to include her in the decision making process, she might be willing to allow you and the children to continue to live with her. Parents often see character flaws that one blinded by "love" simply misses, so there is no harm in asking for her wisdom and experience. She might appreciate it enough that she would be willing to give this guy another chance.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:30 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • You are grown, therefore you cannot allow your parents to dictate to you what you can and cannot do. First and foremost you need to get upon your feet so mom/dad/boyfriend cannot throw you out whenever they decide you're not doing something pleasing in their eye sight...wow!! You're in a tough situation until you stand up and be a woman about your business.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:02 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

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