Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

If you are divorced and have a child custody arrangement with your ex...?

My husband and I are in the middle of getting a divorce. We have a one year old daughter and are trying to come up with a custody arrangement...I would have sole custody and he visitation, but I was hoping to get some examples of the types of arragements people have. Any help is appreciated!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:35 PM on Jul. 31, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • The standard is every 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend of the month means your daughter would go see Dad. So if a month has 5 weekends in it then weekend 5 of that month and the following weekend would be the 1st weekend of the month means he would have her 2 weekends in a row. If you want to set up one night a week for a "dinner date" like for 2-3 hours then that's up to you.

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 2:39 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I have sole custody. My ex is in school again at 35 and lives off student loans....too lazy to work, he pays a lousy $25 a month in child support until he graduates....which should have been 4 years but according to him it takes him longer to learn and he is starting year number 6!!

    Because he moved away from our hometown to go to school and he now lives 6 hours drive away the divorce papers do state that all visitation is at my discresion and must be done here in our hometown. Though I did allow my son to go there for a week this Summer.

    My ex prefers the single college student life (even though he's bald, fat and 35 lol) and today marks day 14 since he's called to speak to our son. I used to call him, but i've given up, he needs to step up and be a dad, it's not my job to babysit him.

    I'm re-married and my husband is more of a dad to my son, as is my will be my sons choice as to seeing his father!

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 2:39 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I forgot to add that you alternate Christmas and Thanksgiving depending on the odd and even year. One year you get her for Christmas Eve and the next year he would have her for Christmas Eve. Also during the summer he would have anywhere from 4-6 weeks of visitation.

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 2:40 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • A one year old is still a baby. Weekends would be too much unless the child was used to being cared for by the father.

    We divorced when my sons were 2 and 5. He had dinner with them on Wed and Fri and just about any other time he wanted for family things ect. Didn't happen much. When the youngest weaned he started having them overnight on Friday nights.

    We then moved about 2 hours away. He still came some Wed or if they had a big sport or scout event. They stayed every other weekend starting when the youngest was about 8. He had moved so we lived about 45 min apart and he was coming most Wed and for events. The never spent a summer or any long periods there.

    Answer by GailllAZ at 2:46 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • You have her all week and he has her on the weekends or you can do you have 4 days and he has her 3 days. She is young and school is not in the way but to have full custody you have to have her more then him and if you two have her the same amount time then you will have to have her 50-50 (are you following me) I think you have her all week and he has her on the weekends works the best. So he would pick her up on friday and drop her off on sunday nights. This is how we have my step children and for holidays that can be up to you two. We have the kids everyother christmas and everyother thanksgiving and easter. It works very well for all of us. But we all get along with one another.

    Answer by raemommy at 2:47 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I forgot about holidays. I didn't have family so we made up what we did on holidays. I had them Christmas eve and morning and Easter and most other holidays he could have them. I had them all day one Christmas.

    My children are adults now. I guess the holiday thing didn't work out so good. They hate holidays because they had to spend them all with their father's family who now expect them to the rest of their lives.

    Answer by GailllAZ at 2:50 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • OP here--just for info., my soon to be ex husband has NOT been in her life on a daily basis. She's never stayed overnight with him alone, even when we were all living in the same house, and he's maybe seen her for 2-4 hours every three-four weeks since March. And there are other concerns I have about his living arrangements with her staying over night.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Well in that case i would allow him to have her for 2-4 hours on saturdays and one 2 hour visit with him on a week day for a while until he can step up and see what REALLY being a parent is all about. You can sent up you being there for the first 6 months then go back to court and let the judge know how thats going.

    Answer by raemommy at 3:01 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • If you're having to fight it out in court, these days it's very odd for one parent to get "sole custody." I have primary custody of my kids and my ex has visitation, but my kids were older when we split so there wasn't a problem with them staying overnight. I wish you luck.

    Answer by missanc at 3:03 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • We're doing the parenting agreement ourselves, and I will have sole legal custody and he will have visitation. -OP

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:10 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.