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How do I trust my ex husband to take my daughter for visitation if he didn't even know what to do with her when he was here?

I just recently got a divorce from my husband of 5yrs. We have a 3yr old daughter together and he's demanding over night visitation with her, but the thing is I've never been even more than 1 hr and 30mins away from my daughter a day in her life. Also the whole time he was here he just lets her do whatever she wants and doesn't really know how to take care of her he kinda just zones out to his ps 3 or tv. So how can i actually trust that he'll take care of her? When he lived here I actually had to get onto him for letting her do stuff a baby shouldn't do it just made me want to hit him and say wake up stupid lol. But anyways what do you ladies think i should do?

 
Tiff20mommyof1

Asked by Tiff20mommyof1 at 2:49 PM on Jul. 31, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (20)
  • I had a very similar situation. My ex never spent more than 2 hours alone at a time with our son, mostly b/c the two times i left for four hours to visit family, he didn't change or feed our infant son once. When i came home our infant was soaked, screaming hungry,and i was devestated. He promised it wouldn't happen again, it did. I never left him alone with "daddy" for more than an hour or two, and only if i absolutely had too. When i was home, he passive-aggressively refused to even help watch him while i took a shower or cooked dinner. Once, when we were all outside playing, i went in and used the bathroom (my son could walk then), i came back out to find him playing in the street! Once i got on my feet and was able to divorce him i did. I put in the custody agreement his visitations were two days a week, no more than 8 hours. I had to do 8 since there were no overnights. I had documentation to back up my concerns....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:02 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • You're just going ot have to get over it. I'm sorry there's no nice way to put it. Your daughter will be fine away from you. She's used to seeing her dad daily as well, not just you. She'll be fine overnight. I'm sure she'll survive and he learned some things in the 3 years she's been alive
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:51 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I am in this SAME EXACT position. My husband and I are going through a divorce, and we have a one year old daughter who he's never watched alone for more than three hours or so at a time....not since she was born, not since we've been separated. We are trying to work out visitation and he is trying to demand overnights, but I don't trust him to have her overnight as he NEVER has....and I also don't like his living situation......I could use this advice too!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:51 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • A court would award more than one overnight. Just a FYI
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:54 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Its sad. You'll cry. Call a friend who has been through the same thing if you can.

    If it's not court ordered start with shorter times. He can take her for dinner or a whole weekend day.

    Stuff might happen. My 2 year old didn't want to go and threw up all over the car. His father brought him back.

    If you live far apart and there is any way you can afford it get a hotel room close by the first few times.
    GailllAZ

    Answer by GailllAZ at 2:54 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • In some states there is mediation and these kinds of issues can be worked out. Courts don't always order a 3 year old spend overnight or weekend visits right away. I've taken mediation courses and it's starting to become more popular for mediation to be used in the state where I was going to graduate school.

    Fathers may be strangers or almost strangers to children. You wouldn't expect a 3 year old to be just fine with someone she doesn't know or someone that isn't able to care for a young child. Many men fall in that group. It's better to start small.

    One of my sons is a stay at home dad of his 10 month son. He has been equal or primary caretaker since birth. This would be a different situation. If they got divorced it would be great if she could keep working days and my son care for him then and my son get an evening job and the mother care for the baby then. Work out the other times.
    GailllAZ

    Answer by GailllAZ at 3:05 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Gall-She was married to him! He's not abusive. He's not a stranger. There is NO reason that she cannot spend the night with her dad besides the fact that the mom doesn't want to be away from her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:12 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • he will never learn if not given the opportunity
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:39 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Actually there's alot of issues why i don't want my daughter spending the night with him. His living situation is really not good. I simply don't trust him with the safety of my daughter's life. And she has only seen him once in 4months "his choice not mine" and when I call him to let her talk to him she doesn't even care to talk to him and when she does talk he does he's say yes or i love you baby over and over not even paying attention to what she's saying. And also he doesn't want me to take him to court over custody or anything because he knows that if i did i would get soul custody of our daughter "which he's told me" I want him to be apart of my daughter's life but i don't want him just to think he can be here when he decides to im not goin to have an in and out type of situation for my daughter it would be too confusing. I mean i told him she could stay the night if her grandma stayed the night with them but he won't
    Tiff20mommyof1

    Answer by Tiff20mommyof1 at 3:41 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • work with me on a solution. its either his way or he'll put me through hell.
    Tiff20mommyof1

    Answer by Tiff20mommyof1 at 3:42 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

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