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Advice please. My husband says no and I say yes

I need some advice. My husband and I have 2 wonderful kids a boy that is 6 and a girl that is 4. I would love to have another baby but he says no way. I understand where he is coming from not wanting to go through the baby stage again but honestly he never had to do very much I handled getting up all hours of the night I done the changing the feeding ect...and now our 2 are getting older I woul like to have another. I was raised up in a 3 child house and so was he. Ok this is the kicker that I am really torn about. I understand the pro's and con's of having another baby but my mind says no it is not a good time and just stop thinking about it but my heart says yes go for it and have another one. Children are a blessing! I am on the depo for the past 4 years it might take me awhile to even get prego if we do go forward. How do I handle this? What should I do listen to heart or mind???? Plus what about my husband's wants?

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Thumper02

Asked by Thumper02 at 4:58 PM on Jul. 31, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I would listen to ur mind, ur heart doesnt have a brain. JK.
    Seriously u both should be on the same page when trying for baby.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:01 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Did you discuss how many kids you would have before you got married? Then you should go by that. But really people change after a few years and wants and desires are different. I would say keep talking to your husband about it. Have serious conversations about it. Meanwhile, try to be relaxed and know- What is meant to be.. WILL happen :)
    amy31308

    Answer by amy31308 at 5:01 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • If this is going to put a strain on your marriage and you already see it is then why push the issue. We all have wants and desires but you should weigh the pros and cons more vs just saying I really want another one.
    lilbit022009

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 5:01 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • If you don't agree there is no option. At least not in my mind. If you get pregnant, on purpose, and he doesn't want it it could cost you your marraige. Theres a huge trust issue there. You are thinking with your heart...he is likely thinking about how much it will cost to support another pregnancy and baby. Guys think like that.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:02 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Im the proud mommy of 5. I truly believe kids are a blessing. I just had a baby after my yongest turned 9. I thought I was done not because I wanted to be but my dh didnt want another one. I lost tons of weight and all the sudden he wanted one. lol I finally feel like our family is now complete. If your husband dosent want one you should respect his wishes. He may change his mind. He may not though but what can you do?
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 5:02 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I agree you should really listen to you brain on this one if your husbands not ready it would make things alot difficult and if you try and make him it would put to much added pressure on your relationship I would sit down and talk to him about this and you should decide togather what you want to do
    newmom183

    Answer by newmom183 at 5:03 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • The decision to have a child is the right of both parents. Your husband is just as much a parent as you are. He may not have had as much care of the children when they were little, but he is working to provide for his family, so he does have the care of the family, He also has to consider education and health issues. It is natural for you to feel the pull to have another child, but you must have the agreement of the other parent before you do so. Not that you would, but don't go behind his back and decide and take steps to bring another human being into the world without his agreement. If the positions were reverse and you were the father, you wouldn't like if the wife went against what you felt right about.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 5:05 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Personally 2 is enough I have a boy 8 and a girl 6 yrs. of age and they are a hand full well not that bad when they were babies. I too wanted 2 more but my dh said no so I just kind of went with it and enjoy my 2 that I have. I do not regret it at all but if you guys can swing it financially I say go for it, then listen to your heart. But if it was me I would say no. You can find alot of things to do with your 2.family carGL

    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 5:08 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Thank you for everyone's honesty on this matter. :) I would never go behind my husbands back and get pregnant without it being our choice together. Sometimes I just need a good dose of life or a kick in the butt to see that what I have right in front of me is not worth losing to get something more. Thank you so much ladies. There is a reason why my mind wants to agree with my husband and I am sure if I stop listening so much to my heart I will see it clearly. You all are awesome. :)
    Thumper02

    Answer by Thumper02 at 5:11 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Okay, I didn't see this till now. I know I personally, even after I had gone through a divorce, one day looked at my 3 year old child and oddly thought, "Gosh, I want another one", but that was my heart speaking. I always knew I only wanted the 2 kids and there I was, not sure how I was gonna pay the bills, no hubby in site, and 2 little ones I was already struggling to take care of on my own. I think this often happens when we see our little ones leave that baby stage. It's so hard to lose that. Like everyone else said, give it time and then maybe revisit the subject with hubby later on down the line if and when he seems more receptive to it and you've had more time to be sure that this is what you really want. :)
    Kimmy032802

    Answer by Kimmy032802 at 6:05 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

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