Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

anyone else have a bad birth experience? How did you get over feeling like you could have done better?

Answer Question

Asked by finallyamom40 at 5:27 PM on Jul. 31, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 3 (24 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • I did. I'm not over it yet. I just say things happen for a reason and everything turned out well in the end. I think I might get over it in a couple of years. hehe.

    Answer by mommylovesu28 at 5:28 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I"m asking because right now I feel like I never want tto go through an experience like this again and I'm willing to take ANY steps to be sure I don't get pregnant again. My son will be 3 weeks old on sunday

    Answer by finallyamom40 at 5:31 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I did. I was assured that my son would be born fine after I was listed as failure to progress at 37.5 weeks. I was induced due to the way he was laying and I was lucky to have made that far after having been in labor twice before.

    7 hours after the water is broken and the baby is not coming. He was wedged in my hips and here comes the c-section. 14 minutes to get him out and he is royal blue and not breathing. I waited what felt like an eternity to hear him cry and nothing. I asked what's wrong with him, why is he blue and then he cried. I cried and held my arms out to hold him as they ran out of the room with him. He was dying. His lungs weren't ready even after all the shots I had the 2 previous times in labor. I was told he won't make it, call a priest, what funeral home do you want but he lived! 21 days is NICU and he lived. He turned 8 last month. I am fearful this delivery won't go well but I have faith.

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 5:34 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I could what-if myself all day but everything happens for a reason. The thing that saved us was prayer and giving up problems I know I can't solve. There are things out of my control no matter how much I try to prepare. I wanted my tubes tied then, I didn't want to go through this again, watching a baby suffer for a decision my doc and I made. I torture myself about it even now. What could I have done better? We made the best decision we had with the information we knew at that time. I thank God for healing my son.

    Message me if you need to talk.

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 5:37 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Like several of you we REALLY want our son, (we've had 3 miscarriages and was beginning to think we would never have a child). I was induced (still no good explanation of WHY they felt I needed to be induced), tried pushing (after being on pitocin for 3 days) for nearly 4 hours, he was positioned wierd so they did a c-section, I didn't have control over my arms so I couldn't hold him immediately (thankfully my hubby knew and understood I was the one to hold him first before ANYONE else and that did happen about the only thing that I wanted that actually turned out right). But now, I feel like a complete and total failure because of how the birth went especially since my birth plan wasn't followed or probably even looked at! I love my son so much but I am not willing to go through all of this again (and yes I know people will tell me I'll feel different once it's not so "fresh" in my mind, but really I'm willing to do ANYTHI

    Answer by finallyamom40 at 5:39 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • ANYTHING to make sure I don't get pregnant again, EVER) It's sad but I think I will be happy with just my beautiful boy.

    Answer by finallyamom40 at 5:40 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I was induced with my first child; though there was good reason (pre-e) I felt there was neglect on the hospitals part and that they overlooked the signs for weeks. Due to the meds to prevent me from seizing (due to the pre-e) I was confined to bed even prior to the epidural. I was pushing for hours (ds was not ready to be born) because ds corked in at an angle when they broke my water. Then they cut the cord within a minute or two, without cause which resulted in jaundice and another couple of days in the hospital.

    The next pregnancy I went with a CPM (certified professional midwife) that nearly every mom in my AP group used. I had a wonderful home water birth (that the mw actually missed because it was so fast). Dh caught the baby and after the mws left we ate chinese and watched Zorro in our bed.

    A lot of moms find subsequent births healing, though it was a year before I was reading to consider another child.

    Answer by happytexasCM at 6:04 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Give it time. You had a dream of how his birth was supposed to happen and nothing went as planned. It sounds as you might also have a touch of post partum depression. I think down the road you won't even care how he came into this world... what matters he is here and you did great! Remember that his birth was just a very small part of everything... you carried him inside you for 9 months and now you will care for him for the rest of your life!

    My son's birth didn't go well either and I am ok with it. I was induce, in labor for 15 hours and then pushed for 2 hours before being rushed to a C-section where they forgot my husband in the waiting room and only brought him in after they were taking him out. I ended up with an infection afterwards and was out of it for like a day (can't remember a thing) was later discharge and then Re-admitted for the same infection a few days later. But we are all fine now!! :)

    Answer by AmiJanell at 6:06 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I felt just like you did, and with time, it gets a bit easier. For me, I will get pregnant again, because i will take steps to ensure that doesn't happen again. I have many options, such as choosing a home birth, finding a midwife, using a birth center. Remember that it was not the actual birth that was traumatic, but the doctors making decisions that you definitely don't feel were appropriate! They took away your control, and your right to experience birth the way you wanted it. It's not you who failed - THEY did. I know people will say they just wanted to make sure you had a baby safely, but I find it difficult to believe that as many women need inductions as they claim need inductions. Some women might need them, but the average first time pregnancy lasts 41 weeks. So why are we overdue at 40? :) You are a victim of doctors covering their butts and trying to get babies to come on an arbitrary time table.

    Answer by apexmommy at 6:10 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Though you probably won't change your mind about the birth, the intensity of your feelings will likely lessen once your hormones even out--that can take months though.

    It doesn't help that people can be dismissive of your feelings by saying "you're both here, that's ALL that matters."

    Answer by happytexasCM at 6:12 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.