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My 16 almost 17 year old does not want to shower.

but once a week if that, and then I noticed he wasn't brushing his teeth either. I try to complain and he'll tell me I'm the only one who cares. Help! He is driving me nuts and I don't know what to do anymore. He has aspergers and was evaluated by a psychologist we have stopped going, I'm thinking of starting again and when I tell him that he says he doesn't need to go. I'm good at consequences, I guess I feel I'm getting exhausted trying. I know I'm his mom, but sometimes it's easier to let him do what he wants. Any ideas would be great.

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bananieer

Asked by bananieer at 5:43 PM on Jul. 31, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (5)
  • My son has Asperger's and I so understand about the hygiene thing. Mine is 8 and I have to hold his mouth open and brush his teeth myself. He has such a rough time about wiping too. He loves baths but I swear when he goes potty it's sad. I even buy the kids wet wipes for big kids and he gets so down on himself that he is not doing it right. When I show him that he is not doing it right, because I will help him with his wiping, he will sit down and cry that he is a bad son, can't do anything right and it just breaks my heart.

    We have to then go through the speech about taking our time, not rushing, making sure we are all clean before we stand up to get dressed. He even recites that next time he goes potty. He is so happy when he gets it right but I wish I could get him to help with brushing his own teeth too. I have no help to give you other than I understand.
    lilbit022009

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 5:51 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • the no showering thing is probably just a phase i did it my parents tried and tried but for like a whole summer i didnt shower, i washed my armpits and girly parts and i was done. thats it, and i just used a washcloth for that i know its gross but i was weird back then....and brushing his teeth i dont know, i always brushed mine..maybe hes doing it and you just dont know like at night or something i dont know
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:52 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I sooooo understand what you're going through...I have a ten year old with Asperger's and he is THE messiest one person I have ever met. He hates toothpaste because it "burns" so he refuses to brush his teeth. Once a week a shower if I'm lucky. Gosh, it must be a sensory thing with the kids with asperger's. I don't have this issue with my two girls. AND oh, you should see his room. I clean and clean and clean and within an hour, everything is a disaster again. I know I shouldn't, but I get soooo frustrated sometimes. There is lots of advice out there for Autism, but not for Asperger's. We should start a Messy Son's Support Group.....LOL
    lighthousemom3

    Answer by lighthousemom3 at 9:51 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • It's the Aspergers my brother and cousin and husband have autism and aspergers and the hygiene just doesn't come naturally. I remind them that they need to do it in order for others to want to interact with them. This seems to work most of the time. I know it can be maddening. Good luck

    pixie_stix

    Answer by pixie_stix at 10:25 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • This sounds so familiar. I have an 18yo, aspergers son, a 16yo daughter who does shower, and a 14yo son diagnosed adhd, but possibly more. I have a horrible time getting my boys to shower or brush their teeth. It wont kick in until it becomes important to them. Until then you will have to remind and occasionally send him back to do it again. Sometimes it is frustrating, to try to guess what will make it sink in.
    ysmeine

    Answer by ysmeine at 6:07 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

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