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How to deal with my sons dad not communicating with me and knowing my son is ok?

I am very concerned about what my son does at his dads. Hes only 2 and cant really talk yet so what do i do? How do i know hes not getting abused? Someone HELP please.

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:48 PM on Jul. 31, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (7)
  • Does he act different when he comes home? Or is there a history of abuse with you? If he doesn't then I wouldn't worry to much, have you found marks on him? If you are that concerned maybe talk with DHS to keep dad away.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:49 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • If he's not getting abused and comes home fine then it's none of your business and he doesn't have to report to you

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:00 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • He should always be available for you for your son, he can not just break tides from you just to be mean or to piss you off. I would report this to who ever deals with this sort of thing and have it on file you never know atleast you'll have some kind of back up to back u up when needed. I hope it won't go that far but just to be safe. You might want to tell him hey if you are going to take the baby I need you to have an open line for me I am calling about the baby not you. Keep it civil so when he does act up next time you have something to report on him. GL He is the one acting stupid in this case...I..believe.


    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 6:04 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I'm going though the same thing with my son's father, my son comes home with bruises in unusual places for a toddler, (butt, inner thigh, face), he has night mares (wakes up crying 4-7 hours after going to sleep, his doctor said that they likely come from his father's actions during the visit) His behavior is just amazing, the slightest thing after a visit makes him cry hysterically, his doctor refered him to a psychologist due to what his doctor believes is his father. My son's doctor knows him well, I trust him, he has seen how my son's father acts and how my son acts with him, if it was up to my son's doctor he would not be allowed around any child, but my son's lawyer said his opinion means nothing. Nice eh?

    If you are really worried call your local police station and request a "Well child" check, they will go to the parents house ask to see the child and they will get back to you, if something is wrong you have proof.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:23 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • If there is no history of abuse, or signs of abuse leave it be. I'm sorry, but your child has a right to be around his father and the father has a right to have visits with his child that aren't dictated or monitored unless he has done something to lose your trust. I mean, he shouldn't have to tell you, "we went to the park today, ate pb&j's watched wall-e, etc etc" I'm not sure if that is what you are wanting or if you are talking about wanting to know something different. I guess I just don't understand what you are saying.

    Answer by Petie at 7:29 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • You want a level of interaction with your Ex that is reserved for people who are still married. The bottom line is that you do not have the right to interfere with, participate in, monitor, legislate or otherwise control YOUR SON's visitation with HIS DAD.

    I capped those words because the visitation is between them. You're not invited. You are not part of their relationship. You are excluded and you will have to accept that. When your son is able to talk, it will STILL not be your business what he does when he's over there beyond, "Did you have a nice weekend?"

    I'm sure all the bio-moms will jump in with their blah blah crap about how children are their possessions and they must know their every bowel movement and every crumb that passes their lips because THEY ARE THE MOTHER! but from a legal standpoint, it's not your business.

    You have another 16 years left of this. Do yourself a favor and get used to it now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:16 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I feel bad for these people that think you should completely segregate yourself from your child when he's with the other parent. As if you cease to be one yourself.

    My ex and I have a very amicable relationship. He calls EVERY SINGLE DAY to check on his children. Should I shun him since they're with ME...on MY TIME? No. When he has them, i'm able to call EVERY NIGHT, tell them goodnight, and make sure they are well care for, and safe. It's my RIGHT as a PARENT. It's yours too, OP. I would report that he's not letting you communicate with your child. When it comes to his safety, IT IS YOUR BUSINESS. If he's being will see marks on him time and time again. Keep in mind, children can be clumsy and careless while playing. Don't make any rash judgments. If there is no reason to suspect abuse, that thought needs to go out the window.

    Answer by milfalicious08 at 1:40 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

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