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is taking away a birthday harsh punishment?

ill get straight to the point my DD is .....a spoiled brat. I said it and i am fully aware that it is my fault that she is this way. she has been worst since my son was born. she is turning four in three weeks and i was planning a big princess party but i don't think she deserves it. she rude , she talks back, and she goes behind my back and does things that i tell her not to do. my own mother doesn't even want to take her anywhere with her. she lost my engagement ring after i had already told her not to touch mommie things and today she dropped her brother on the floor after i told her to leave him alone he is only five months and he was resting in his car seat i go into the kitchen and she picks him up a drops him.i went crazy and it was the last straw. but her father says that i am being to harsh and to just put her in time out!!! what do you mom thinks am i being too harsh?if anything i think i am being to nice

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:19 PM on Jul. 31, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • This very wishy washy "am I being too harsh" mindset is why shes like this to begin with. I am trying to help you not criticize you. If you know your child is like this and you wonder if she deserves a birthday party, then you really are too soft on her. Four yrs old is FAR too young to be mouthing off to you and being disrespectful. Shes obviously quite mature for her age. My oldest was too, so I know how it is, but if she is acting like this at age 4, what do you think 14 is going to be like? I shudder to even think. Its not cute anymore at 14, its mean, its hurtful, its rude and it will cause you to want to hurt her. I know...I have a 14 yr old who put me through some of this. No birthday party. On her birthday, grab some cupcakes from the grocery store of your choosing and have a party at home with just you, your daughter, your son and your husband ( if you have one) and make it simply a family affair. NO friends. Good luc
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:56 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Honey, you need to start being harsh. Don't completely ignore her birthday, but she doesn't deserve a huge princess party. Maybe if she starts losing some priveleges, she might adjust her attitude a bit.
    This will cause a lot of fits, but if you stick with it, it will probably make things SO much better for all of you.
    allans_girl

    Answer by allans_girl at 8:24 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • i think it is a little harsh...but your on the right track...instead take away her princess party...make it just a family party...something small with just the family and no friends or anything big...and i still think she should have had a timeout when it happened cause at the age of four thier attention span isnt as developed...also work on having your daughter earn things...
    blueeyedgrl2377

    Answer by blueeyedgrl2377 at 8:24 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I think to throw out the whole birthday is a little harsh. Maybe a day about her would make her feel special again. Maybe she feels a bit overshadowed by her brother. Maybe you can ground her until her party or something like that. What do you do for punishment now? (Just curious)
    Krystal.Ingalls

    Answer by Krystal.Ingalls at 8:25 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I would give her a MUCH smaller party, but I will share with you what the specialist we met Wed said... here are the words... "something will happen" .... that's all you say then you do something illogical .... it will suprise her... and take the element of predictability out... I am to take the shoe lace out of only the left shoes... then when she complains you remind her "something will happen" " remember when you..... " then stop talking... let her stew on it... hope this helps alittle... best of luck ...
    BlessingsBegin

    Answer by BlessingsBegin at 8:36 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • Instead of starting by taking away the party. She needs to have consequences to EVERYTHING she does when she does it, not just one big punishment. I would scale down the party. She is isn't acting like a princess, why should she get treated like one. You need to make sure you are consistent with everything she does wrong, or she will just get mixed signals...and continue to disrespect you. Don't give her chances. The first time she does something she knows she's not supposed to do, send her to time out, away from you and the baby (and anything of value for that matter lol). She'll eventually get the point that you mean business.

    momjoy1027

    Answer by momjoy1027 at 8:41 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I think taking the party away punishes all of the other kids who were invited to. Do get harsh. Have the party but tell her she will not be taking any of the gift out of the boxes until she can be nice. Teaching her new rules and expectations will be hard and it will be a long road but it can be done! Good for you for trying!
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 8:58 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • I wouldnt take away her party. My daughter can also be a spoiled brat and lately when she does things she isnt supposed to I go in her room with a trash bag and throw a couple toys in there and tell her im throwing them away. She immediately corrects her behavior. I usualy just put them in a closet or something....now if i threaten to throw away her toys she straightens right up! hope it helps
    KaireasMommy

    Answer by KaireasMommy at 9:02 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • At her age a punishment that far into the future is not something she will fully grasp. She will most likely forget what behavior over all caused that consequence. She will just think your being mean to her. And that is not ok.
    Be firm with her all the time. If you dont listen, this is your consequence every time. And you and Dad need to be a united front. Sounds like the both of you need to sit down, draw out rules, and what happens when they are broken. She needs that structure...
    Good Luck!
    LadyLuck13

    Answer by LadyLuck13 at 9:32 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

  • i would not let her have a nice party.... but then again i'm a mean mom (but i will add my kids are well behaved lol). tell her if she keeps it up then no party and then more importantly follow through with it.
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 9:42 PM on Jul. 31, 2009

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