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Am I wrong for feeling left out of life?

Growing up mom had 5 kids at age 23 by 5 different dads. She never celebrated birthdays or holidays so I never knew I was as important as everyone else. No bedtime stories, no tucking in, not even once a hug or an I love you daughter.

She made me work at the age of 6-13 as migrant, though I never saw a paycheck and I had 2 outfits given from the salvation army that were highwatered before school year end, with no socks and usually no soles inside the shoe so my feet hurt on those little holes.

At 13 she dumped us 5 kids off because her newest "thing" didn't want kids. I went to 11 foster homes, never had any roots for lifetime friends from moving states every three months previous to foster care.

As an adult (finding my mom years ago now) I dont talk to her, but occasionally on puter. I asked her why, and she said she has squared herself away with God and she will not ask for and does not need my forgiveness.

 
tsjpop

Asked by tsjpop at 2:12 AM on Aug. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Level 6 (133 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I think she dosent need your forgivenes because she knows she is going to hell anyway. Screw her! You probably didnt really miss out on much, infact you probably have a lot of wisdom, experiances, and memories from the life you lived that will beneift your future and your children. You are probably 100 times better of a mom because of what you have gone through, am I right? Forget the past and live for the future!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:20 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I am really sorry to hear what you had to go through in your life!!!
    Why are you still talking to your mother?
    Do you have anybody (husband, friends) you can talk to about this???
    crazypink

    Answer by crazypink at 2:14 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I left out ALOT of little things that would make you cry, but I tried to lay a short story to paint a picture, and now at the age of 39 with my own children, I just cant not read them a story when they bring me a book, or cook them what they want- instead of macaroni and hot dogs at every meal.

    Im kinda in the "feel sorry for myself" mode after looking into so many other peoples lives, and how little I was given growing up. I could have been anything, had I just had one person that would have stepped in my life and took my hand and showed me the love. .....maybe thats why I always craved loved no matter what.
    tsjpop

    Answer by tsjpop at 2:16 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • AWW! I'm so sorry!!! I really couldn't imagine! But they say every person is able to handle their situation better than anyone else! You are a very strong women!!! I do agree, don't talk to her!!!! I'm soo sorry she did this to you! But I'm sure you are a terrific mother because you understand how a mother should be and CONGRATS on that!!! Just remember, you are creating a much better environment for your children and becoming 300x's the mother she was!
    07lilmama1108

    Answer by 07lilmama1108 at 2:23 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I agree with you anonymous, thats exactly what my life has become . I am wise, always have been, always knew I was being wronged. I am a wonderful mother. Every holiday, its my first 3rd birthday, its my first christmas, its my first 4th Easter. I am living my childhood through my children, I am giving myself a childhood by making theirs perfect, watching them smile, and knowing the experience first hand with them.

    But part of me, still yearns for that bedtime story, that nurturing, that kissed boo boo, instead of the woman that threw the maxi pad in my lap and told me if I needed more there in the closet as my birds and bees talk. I still feel left out, Im asking if I am normal to feel this way, or how can I get over that part.
    tsjpop

    Answer by tsjpop at 2:24 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I believe you have gone through a tramatic life and I think you would benefit from some therapy. I am so glad to hear you talk about your children and the fun you have for holidays! That is so cool! But I see the bump in the road you are describing and I think a councler would be the best answer for you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I don't know it you can "get over it", but you can get past it, and you do seem to have moved on for the most part. I'm sure it is normal to wish that you had the mom that you are to your kids. How can you not feel left out or hurt knowing what you and every other child should have as their childhood experiences? If it still really bothering you maybe you need to speak to a counsellor about resolving your feelings. But really you sound like a great mom and as long as you don't try to make your kids do what you would have liked to do (making them do ballet because you would have loved if they don't want to do it) it seems like you are giving your kids what your mom should have given you.
    canadianmom1974

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 2:32 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Check out my kids at www.myspace.com/shareyterryjimmyabbey and you can see I dont force them into anything. I only answer their "I wants" within reason, and make thier lives very comfortable and reassure them they are worthy of being a doctor or housewife- that its their lives to believe in, and they have supporting parents.

    I may see a counselor, as I age, and I watch my own beautiful children, I get more and more angry with her.
    tsjpop

    Answer by tsjpop at 2:37 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I wasn't accusing you of anything, I just know that some parents will try to live vicariously through their kids to the detriment of the kids. You seem to be really together and I understand how having your own kids makes you realize what a gift they are and how precious they are and how lucky we are as moms to have them, and how that could make you angry at your mom for not realizing what she had and treating the way every child deserves to be treated by their mom. I think how you feel is totally normal, you just have to not let your anger at her and what she did drag your time and energy and focus away from all the good things you have in your life now. You have much better things to spend your time and energy on than her.
    canadianmom1974

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 2:44 AM on Aug. 1, 2009