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How do I keep ex's mother from being alone with our daughter?

To make a long story short, I don't want my ex at my house for visitation anymore. I don't mind if he brings our 13 month old to HIS house...BUT I don't want her left alone with his mother (whom he still lives with). She used to abuse my ex when he was a child (beatings with fly swatters that left welts and bruises, slapping, who knows what else).

Am I able to make that stipulation in a custody arrangement?

Also, he has changed her diaper once since she was born, and absolutely refuses to do so. He also doesn't know how to bathe her, and he feeds her when she cries (because he doesn't know how to soothe her). When he visits her at my house, he is mainly on my computer, and doesn't keep an eye on her (eg when I'm using the bathroom). How do I stipulate in the custody agreement that if he has visitation at his house, he has to take care of her needs, and make sure she is safe?

Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!


Asked by Anonymous at 9:16 AM on Aug. 1, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • you can definitely request that he have visitations NOT at his mothers husband when we split for a year wasn't allowed to bring our daughter to his mothers house because she abused him...was in the court paperwork stating sister also wasn't comfortable with her ex watching her children because he was incompetent...when it went to court they asked for a guardian ad leitem...what they do is observe BOTH parties on their OWN time with the child to make sure they know what they are sister also had it set up that he had visitations with his daughter at an agreed friends house, or if that wasn't available at another can definitely request ALL this...but ad leitem costs extra...but they are worth it!

    Answer by blueeyedgrl2377 at 9:23 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I would talk to a lawyer about all of this, but I would definitely fighting for no visitation or supervised.

    Answer by allans_girl at 9:19 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • It's going to be difficult to make the kind of visitation schedule that would be best for your child with the way the courts are. Custody and visitation vary widly state by state. If you get custody he could get every other weekend and long periods in the summer even at her young age and you would have no say in what happens to her while in his care. He could try to get joint custody to reduce or eliminate child support.

    The two of you can make an agreement and submit it to the court. If it is reasonable then the judge would approve it. You may not even have to go to court. Some states order mediation. Visitation arrangements are worked out through a mediator and there can be psychological evaluations, home visits, evaluation of parenting abilities, ect. The baby's father could be told to move from his mother's home.

    Talk to your lawyer and find out what happens in your state.


    Answer by GailllAZ at 9:31 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • You need a lawyer's advice on this! I am worried about you kiddo being left over at that house, when she does go who changes her diaper? I will say a prayer for you good luck!

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:33 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Ok this is the best answer you can get. In your town there is a fatherhood class and parenting class and you should have it put in your custody aggrement. It teaches a father how to deal with there children in the correct manner. It is usally given by the hospital or red cross or the health dept in your area. also make him take a cpr class and you should also take the classes too make yourself look better in court . if he is not a attive father you need to call him out on it. Make sure that he takes those classes. My brother and his wife split after there son turned a year old and she made him take those classes and now he is a wonderful father and before he let her do everything and now he makes extra trips with him and attive to his ex-wife needs when it come to little alex and we love her for that , keep your daughter away from your ex-mother in law. write it up in the agreement.

    Answer by bamamom2212 at 9:38 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Your child is only 13 months. I know in Indiana you don't have to allow over night visits. Look up parenting guideline visitations for your state and see what the ages are and the rules. And as far as the mother you'll have to take it to court and hope that he admits to what happened.

    Answer by suzyb1980 at 2:32 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I would talk to a lawyer about all of this, but I would definitely fighting for no visitation or supervised.


    Answer by isabellalecour at 3:54 PM on Aug. 1, 2009