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Venting

My husband just put me on his account now that we're married, we've been married for about 4 months. Well, he's a bit of a mama's boy. He wasn't exactly thrilled to be joining me to his account, and his mother is also on it although she doesn't use any of the money, she just knows when and where he used it. So, I got my card and checks in the mail, and I'm under strict rules from him and his mom not to use the card for any shopping sprees no matter how good the sale. Of course I would never do that! I just held my tongue. Then, this morning I went online to access the online banking and I put it what I thought was his pin which wasn't and locked it. I called his mom to let her know and she wasn't upset but seemed very curious why I would want online access. She was even tussled that I asked her for the correct pin so I wouldn't lock it again. Even though her name is on the account, shouldn't I have full access to (cont)

 
tnm786

Asked by tnm786 at 10:19 AM on Aug. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I had the exact same situation. Exactly.

    He needs to choose whether he's married to you or to his mother. I finally got the concept through to my husband by explaining to him that he can only be loyal to one woman at a time and that it should be his wife. If it's not going to be his wife, then we have no business being married. I also asked him how he would feel if my loyalty wasn't 100% to him, but to him and some other man.

    When I explained it to him that way it was as though a veil had been lifted. He's now the KING of boundaries with his mother! :)
    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 12:20 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • The account since I'm his wife and the money in there is only the money that he has earned from his job? I'd understand if some of her money was in there, but it's not. I just feel like they both think I'm out for the money, and I have given them no reason to think that. I receive child support for my oldest daughter that is not his daughter, so I don't even use that much money, just necessities for what I'll need for OUR baby and for myself and my unborn. It was also agreed by him, his mom and me that I shouldn't work so they know the only income I have is my child support from the other father. Doesn't this seem a little unfair or am I being unreasonable?
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 10:20 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • It seems really weird to me that his mother has access to his account. Why does she need to know where and how he uses his money now that he is an adult and married? You should have just as much, if not MORE access, to those things than she does.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:27 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Thank you anon! That's exactly how I feel. Apparently his mom doesnt' see it that way.

    I think the reason she's on it is because she opened for him years ago when he was a minor and they just never got her removed. He had the option of removing her when I was added, but neither him nor her wanted that! I just sat back and didn't say anything. I felt it would have been rude of me if I was like "Yea, you should take her off." Even though it's true!
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 10:40 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I would've said that she needed to be removed when the option came about. He is a grown man. Mommy doesn't need to be watching his money. I honestly don't think I could be with a man who thinks so poorly of me.
    purpleducky

    Answer by purpleducky at 11:06 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • wow, she's a control freak ,huh? You are correct. You should have full access.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:31 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I would've said that she needed to be removed when the option came about. He is a grown man. Mommy doesn't need to be watching his money. I honestly don't think I could be with a man who thinks so poorly of me.


     She is 100% right with that statement. Nip this crap in the bud before it ruins your marriage.

    pixie_stix

    Answer by pixie_stix at 2:37 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • wow! unbelievable! why does she care? she is obviously not a grown woman if she feels she needs to shadow her son's spending. I'd talk to him about it. Maybe not necessarily asking him to remove her from the account (bcuz that'll only intensify things) but talk to him about giving you the right pin and full access. you guys are married not dating...
    YUNG_MAMi325

    Answer by YUNG_MAMi325 at 10:11 PM on Aug. 2, 2009