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MIL trying to take over my wedding? How can I put a stop to this without hurting our relationship?

I have decided that we will get married in a private ceremony, just us...then a reception in a free venue...I'm looking for a park, zoo, or something that will allow us to save money. My friend is a caterer so she's giving me heavy discounts and I want to order cupcakes from the grocery store bakery. I will not be working after I get pregnant and we want to but a house as soon as we're able so saving money is important. My MIL keeps pushing the most EXPENSIVE flyers at me for caterers, bakers, flowers, country clubs, dresses, etc...and I have my dress already, it was my mom's. I understand my man is her only son but I refuse to go into debt before I even set up housekeeping, just for show. I don't want to offend her though. I have mad my plans clear a couple of times but she's ignoring me. And she has not offered to pay for any of the stuff she wants. I'm so stressed out and she is super pushy so how can I get her to back off?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:20 AM on Aug. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Just ignore it. Smile polietly,accept the fliers, take them home and throw them out. She's not paying for it, so she while she may have an opinion, she doesn't get a deciding vote. She may just be worried that you are going to regret being so thrifty later, but your wedding should be what you want. She might really think she's being helpful and if she harps on it, just change the subject.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 10:38 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • She will be your MIL as long as she lives. She is no doubt exited about the wedding of her beautiful baby boy. Tell her thanks for the flyers but that you guys are on a very tight budget. Include her in a few things. Keep her informed and she will feel like she is a part of the plans whether she agrees with them or not. Best wishes. Remember this is suppose to be a joyous day. Don't let this get under your skin. grannywilson
    grannywilson

    Answer by grannywilson at 10:56 AM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • She's supposed to handle the rehearsal dinner; tell her to use those materials for that. Let her know everything else is handled but thanks for the input.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:43 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Have you discussed your feelings with your soon to be hubby? Maybe you can ask him for advice since he knows her the best about how to approach her so as not to hurt her feelings. Just let him know you're not trying to have him "take sides" you just want to know how not to hurt her feelings because you care about her too.Ask him if he'd like for her to handle the rehearsal dinner arrangements and see what he says.
    CinderAmethyst

    Answer by CinderAmethyst at 1:19 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Just accept her flyers and keep on with your plans. I think you are wise. She had her time at her wedding. This one is your's. If something must be said merely said "This is the way we want it". (End of discuss)
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:28 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Your future DH needs to tell his mother that the 2 of you are handling things & she needs to stop. Let MIL know that you appreciate her input but you have a specific vision for your day & will be acting on it.

    If your DH will not stand up to his mom, that should be a huge red flag for you. When I married ex DH, I wanted to just go to Vegas. But his family insisted that we have a wedding so they could be there. Then several months after the wedding, they insisted that we have a reception in another city so the extended family could be there. Ex DH just went along with whatever they wanted, despite what I wanted. That trend continued throughout our marriage & was a contributing factor in our divorce. Not to be a storm cloud on your sunny day, but the way your future DH handles this situation could be an excellent predictor to your future. Good luck!
    funnyface1204

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 1:44 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Tell her that it would be lovely to do whatever it is that she is suggesting if you could afford it, but you can't, so you can't consider it. Tell her that as often as you need to. Be polite, always agreeing that it's a wonderful suggestion, and then tell her if you had an unlimited budget you would look into it, but you have to consider finances in all aspects of the wedding.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:07 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Sounds like my mom at my wedding but she wanted me to be ultra cheap, I just wanted in the middle and she just didn't like anything I picked. We have different taste and everything was an argument. She even told me it was her wedding not mine (my parents gave us some money for the wedding but we were paying for most of it). What worked for me was my maid of honor. We were all out together looking for flower girl baskets and once again my mom was was complaining about my choice. My maid of honor basically told her to shut up and back off. That it was my wedding and I could choose whatever I was wanted. I would have never spoken to my mom that way, but it worked. My mom hates my maid of honor to this day and she is still my best friend to this day.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

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