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Is it wrong to demand my DH wears condoms?

We had our 4th baby, 8 weeks ago. We haven't had sex yet cause he refuses to wear a condom, he says that's what you do with strangers, not your wife. I can't take BC with hormones cause of a blood clot I had between my first 2 children. I've also tried Paraguard and Mirena and had side effects. I would get my tubes tied but I'm afraid to undergo surgery. I've asked him to get a vasectomy but he won't do it cause he thinks he won't get turned on anymore if he does. I think the only solution right now is condoms. Our first 3 children were planned, our fourth was from him pulling out which obviously isn't effective. So I won't let him do that again. He doesn't want anymore children, he works OT to support the ones we have now, I take classes online. Is it wrong to demand he wears condoms?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:38 PM on Aug. 1, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • only on baby one and once baby 1 gets here my hubby has agreed to wear a condom so I dont have to take b/c, i think he just doesnt like the mood swings it gives me.

    If he didnt I'd be like, or u can get ur lil tube down there tied...haha that'll scare him into thinking a condoms great

    Answer by Dom123123 at 1:41 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • He!! NO!! Tell him no glove no love!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • No not at all. There are options as you listed and if he won't agree to the options then he's gonna have a pretty sore fist. Men are so selfish at times and my Husband just got a vasectomy a few months ago and we have NEVER heard that they won't get turned on.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:43 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Not at all. If you don't want another child, he needs a condom. There is a new method of permanent sterilization called the Essure procedure. I think it is about as invasive as a pap smear, so that might be an option for you. Here is a link for more info about it.

    Until you figure it out, I wouldn't have sex unless he wears one!


    Answer by Nathskitten at 1:45 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • no you are not wrong but some men just won't do it. Did you think to talk to the dr about your options at your 6 wk check up? Maybe there is something you both can agree to

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:49 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I've heard about essure as well, it's much safer than a tubal, no surgery involved.
    Your husband is being unreasonable, and you have every right to demand condoms! Especially because he doesn't want any more children either! I told mine that he's going to get the big V because I've already gotten pregnant with an IUD and I don't want any hormones in my system while I BF, so I'm leaving it up to him.

    Answer by motherofanaries at 1:50 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Well considering the pill, the patch, the shot, nuvaring, and IUD's are out, the only thing I can do is get my tubes tied. I'm afraid to have surgery, I'm overweight. I will look into Essure like another woman suggested but why does it always have to be me to deal with BC? I had the blood clot from the pill and was in the hospital for that, I had Mirena for 18 months after my second child and had all sorts of side effects. After my third, I used Paraguard and took it out after 6 weeks cause I was feeling the way I did with Mirena. He pulled out for over a year before I got pregnant with the fourth, it seemed to be effective but one drunk night, he didn't pull out fast enough. But why does it always have to be me? I carried all 4 children on top of it and had difficult pregnancies with GD. Why can't he wear a condom or get snipped? Why does it have to be me?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Its not wrong. But I do think its weird to wear a condom with your husband/wife. Try female condoms. Your husband is being difficult and not compromising. And he is completely uneducated on a vasectomy. If you're serious, look up all your options and sit down with him and discuss them. If he wants to be able to have sex and not have a 5th child he needs to sit down with you and figure something out.

    Answer by AriMicSun at 1:58 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • When I had my son shortly afterward my husband used a condem. Neither of us liked it but we did. I agree no glove no love.

    Answer by robinsi2000 at 2:00 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I don't know that it is a question of who is right or who is wrong. It could turn out to be a question of who is willing to do what is best for the marriage, which should always be the first consideration. Perhaps if you discussed it with him in those terms, he might be more willing to listen to your point of view. Right now, it seems to be your opinion against his opinion which means someone has to be right and someone has to be wrong. If you discuss it objectively based on what is best for the marriage and for the good of the entire family, maybe he will hear you. You can't call him a selfish pig and expect him to hear anything else you say. I would start off by telling him that you know which way is better and you agree with him on that, but that isn't the question right now. There is also the basal temperature method of birth control which works really well for some people. You might look into that.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:04 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

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