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What is the agenda of a "reformed" adoption agency?

We've been hearing/talking about the tactics that agencies have used or are using in order to continue placing babies for adoption. Whether it's advertising, initial consultations, on-site facilities housing emoms until delivery, counseling, etc. instead of telling an expectant woman who is considering or has decided on placing her child for adoption, what words would you think you would hear or would like to hear in place of "brave, selfless, or responsible?"

In the "reformed" agency, what would be considered encouraging or would encouraging be allowed? What would be considered supportive or would supporting be allowed?

In order to make changes, we have to be specific on what changes we would like to see. We can't talk about what they CAN'T SAY or DO, only what they CAN SAY or DO.

When stating the "rules", speak in the "positive".
An example: Rule 1-Offer coffee.
A negative example: Rule 1-Don't offer tea.

Answer Question

Asked by doodlebopfan at 7:40 PM on Aug. 1, 2009 in Adoption

Level 20 (9,525 Credits)
Answers (32)
  • Birth mother needs to be changed to "natural mother" because birth mother means "breeder". The wording was changed because to title the mother the "natural mother" implied that the adoptive parents were "unnatural" and so was adoption. Adoption for pregnant mothers needs to be a last resort. The funding going towards profit adoption agencies needs to be taken and given to programs that are designed to help mothers get on their feet so they can raise their child. Adoption needs to stop associating itself with words like "selfless, brave, and responsible". Adoption is a choice and simply that.


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 8:07 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Must not match with a couple until the last trimester.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:16 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Anon 7:16pm-So, speaking in the "positive", would it be best to say "expectant mother must be at least 6 months, 7 months (I'm not sure which) of gestation in order to begin the matching process"? or "so many" weeks?


    Answer by doodlebopfan at 8:30 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • legalmommy101-Can you show me where birth mother means breeder? I have not heard that.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 8:31 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Speaking in the postive: Use the term Birthmother. It is the term that hospitals as well as the legal system uses.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:50 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Adoptspeak and Censorship 

    Also note the website where this "manual" for adoption agency trainees has been taken down. I wonder why?


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 9:01 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • We need Australia's system. You cannot make adoption plans or get matched with a couple. You have to wait until baby is born and attempt to parent. Outside of abuse and neglect, I think this is a perfect system. Just because some women say they don't want their baby while preggo does not mean they will feel the same way after they hold their baby in their arms.

    But instead of the prefixes before "mother"....why can't we just be called what we are: MOTHERS?

    Answer by randi1978 at 9:13 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Oh, and another thing about Australia's system. You don't get matched with parents and all prospective adoptive parents on are a waiting list. The only thing I am unsure of is whether or not they allow open adoptions. I would certainly use Australia's system as a building block. But match couples with mothers only AFTER the mother has attempted to parent and has decided she cannot do it (and other family cannot or will not take the child).

    The "reformed" agency should also be able to legally enforce open adoption. Neither side can back out without legit reasoning (and whining about how emotionally hard it is on the adults is NOT a good enough reason).

    Answer by randi1978 at 9:17 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • "But instead of the prefixes before "mother"....why can't we just be called what we are: MOTHERS?"

    I agree with everything you just said. The problem stems from a legal and medical perspective. They like to show the difference between the two. Sometimes there are even three different kinds of parents like biological, legal and presumed. Sounds like Australia's system is much better than ours.


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 9:25 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • An adoption agency has a vested interest in a pregnant woman. They want her baby and should not participate in any counseling for her. She needs counseling from an independent source that can be impartial. All that an adoption agency should provide to a women is general information about adoption, and leave the decision to the expectant mother.

    Did you know that some adoption agencies send social workers to the hospital to "encourage" a mother who might seem at risk to change her mind? That is wrong, no matter what they say or what words they use. I know many moms who tried to change their minds in the hospital, but the SW were there to try to talk her out of changing her mind.

    Since adoption agencies do advise women, however, they should at the very least provide honest and balanced information. But, how can they? It is not in THEIR best interest to do that and agencies are a business, not a social service.

    Answer by Southernroots at 1:47 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

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