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Is my daughter spoiled? According to lots of toddler moms on cafemom, she is!

I've been reading a lot of posts on here from toddler moms, and a lot of them say that you shouldn't comfort a toddler everytime he/she cries. My 13 month old often falls, and she'll come to me, arms wide open, wanting me to give me to give her a hug. Am I supposed to ignore her?

Also, I spend 95% of the time she's awake doing things with HER. I don't check email or read novels while she's awake. She and I do things together. But, again other toddler moms say that I shouldn't focus 100% on my child, because she'll get spoiled because she think she is the center of the universe. They say I should sometimes do something I want, and tell my child to play by herself. Is this correct?

Lastly, when my daughter repeatedly ignores what I tell her, I don't spank her or give time-outs. I just remind her of what I said, and remove her from the situation. This can go on all day long!! Am I doing


Asked by Anonymous at 9:08 PM on Aug. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • if your child falls and runs to you with open arms, IMO it is perfectly fine for you to say "ooooh honey it's ok!" and hug her and comfort her. only time to really "ignore" her is if she is having a tantrum over a pen being taken out of her hand. if she becomes the drama queen, dont give in and give it back to know what I mean? as for spending 100% of your time with her, I'd say read your novel while she plays with her toys. if you notice her building something then knock it over, then you can join in and go "WOOOAH good job!" I love playing with my son, but sometimes I like "me" time, and often do it while he's in the same room. I'll read a magazine or cook dinner while he contently plays by himself. but I always take time to play WITH him! do you go to playgroups?!

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 9:21 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Do you want a cookie?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:09 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Well, I do all the things you do.... except for the last bit.
    I don't beat my child, by all means, but if I tell him no twice... then a firm swat on the butt he will get. No tolerance if it's dangerous.
    My husband always says "You can't reason with a child" and i agree to a certain point. I do explain to my son why this is not okay, or... please go do something, and if he doesn't understand - I show him. If he still doesn't listen, time out with a swat.

    Answer by K_Sawyer at 9:10 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • If what you're doing works for you and for your family, then it's fine. There are few situations in parenting where there is a true "right or wrong" answer. Using a car seat is one of those. If your daughter is happy, meeting milestones, and healthy, then you're doing nothing wrong.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:10 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • OP

    lol...depends on what kind of chocolate chip?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:11 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I dont think it is "wrong" to devote time to your child EVER!! My DD is almost 2 and I did that for a long time. We have started the time outs with her, and they work wonders...all I have to say when she isnt listening is "do you need a time out?" and she does whatever I asked her, I do have to stop paying attention to her to cook and clean but now I involve her and make sure she knows these are things mommy has to do. My DD has never had a problem playing on her own because she knows mommy is always ready and willing to play with her. I think there are alot of ways to parent your child and if what you are doing is working for you than keep it up!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:13 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I do the same thing. When my son falls he comes to me and wants to kiss where he hurt himself. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. you are showing affection to your child and letting them know when they get hurt you care. I can't stand parents that just say shake if off your ok and they are bleeding or just want to be held. I also think that is great if you can give your child most of your attention and play. I am on that needs a few mins away to recuperate and be sane for my son. He is hyper. I don't think what you are doing is by any means bad or spoiling your child. I won't listen to people on here anyways...they always have there ways of parenting and it has to be that way or your just a horrible mother. Just let it go and be confident in how you are as a parent and know you are doing what is right for your child.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:13 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Nope...doesn't sound like you're spoiling her to me!!

    Answer by NJMom2Tyler at 9:17 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • you're not spoiling her, just be sure to use discipline when she's doing something wrong (don't let her get away with being bad)

    Answer by mandielynn23 at 9:21 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • oh and forgot to add, no it doesnt sound like she is being spoiled! =)

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 9:22 PM on Aug. 1, 2009