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Answers / Parenting / Preschoolers (3-4)

Is this normal behavior for a 4 yr old girl or signs of a problem?

My bffs dd is 4 and half.. her mom and dad are not toghter and latley she has been doing some really odd (to me anyways) behaviors when she gets back from her dads... For example if my 2 yr old son goes up to give her a hug she will rub on him (with her lower body) I remove him and tell her not ok, but she will also stand over the sprinkler with her legs spread so the water goes into her crotch area.. and her mother has cuaght her mastrubating on the side of her bed.. It only happens when she comes back from visiting her dad and lasts about a 3-5 days (she sees him every other weekend) I think this is signs of sexual abuse or at least something going on but her mom just thinks it is normal behavoir and "self exploration" and that she will out grow it I m just curiuos to see what others think.. btw i posted this anon only cuz we have mutual freinds on CM and i dont want to make a huge scene about it or emabarass her

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:12 PM on Aug. 1, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (14)

  • I would definitely encourage your friend to talk to her child's Dr. While some of the behavior is normal for children of that age. The concerning thing is that is only happens after a visit to Dad's and then stops after a few days. This does not necessarily mean that she is being abused but could mean she is seeing/being exposed to inappropriate situations. I would also encourage that your friend look into books/ videos that go over inappropriate touch and read/watch them with her daughter. 4yo is old enough to know about those kinds of things. The Dr will have resources if things are not totally what would be normal for the girls age. She might also want to address the issue with the Dad if they are on good terms. Though I would advise talking to the Dr first just to be sure. It doesn't help to blow something up into a big deal until you can get all the information. Dad might have some insight into the behavior.
    tocreatefire

    Answer by tocreatefire at 8:41 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • i started masturbating at 7. i wasn't molested but it could be a sign
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:13 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I would talk her into taking her to the doctor... It's better to be safe then sorry...
    momma_marian

    Answer by momma_marian at 9:14 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • It is totally normal behavior. Why does everyone have to think something worse? It's just normal behavior. Sit her down and explain that she needs to go into her room and close the door. NORMAL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:15 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • that's awfully young to be doing that, maybe talk to her about it.
    mandielynn23

    Answer by mandielynn23 at 9:16 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • To the last poster this is the OP again.. did you miss the part where she is grinidng on OTHER children.. thats normal???
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:17 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I do not think there is anything normal about the behavior that you describe. It's possible that it is what she is seeing when she is visiting her dad rather than what is being done to her. Children that age mimic what they see more so than they act out what is done to them. How the mom finds out what is really going on over there I do not know.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:20 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Well I've been masturbating since toddlerdom, but no, I never did that to another child. Still maybe she's not neccessarily abused but maybe she's been exposed to porn. (No, I don't mean as a "star" but just in the same room when Dad's watching. I was never abused, but the "wiggling" as we called it, felt good.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:22 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • It doesn't sound normal; I'd have her mother take her to the doctor and have her checked out. Better safe than sorry.
    I was sexually abused at 4 years old; I've blocked most of it out but because of it, I've always had some trust issues.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:37 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • in gen. the beh. is not out of the norm., but how often does she see dad....?
    The only thing that's sorta huh??? is that you say its only after seeing dad
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:58 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

Answers / Parenting / Preschoolers (3-4)