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OMG I HOPE I DID THE RIGHT THING...

MY DD WHO IS FIXING TO TURN 13 WANTS TO GET TO KNOW HER SPERM DONOR AFTER HIM WALKING OUT OF HER AND HER BROTHERS LIFE 6 YEARS AGO. HE HAS BEEN HAVING LITTLE VISITS FOR THE PAST 3 MONTHS SUPERVISED BY ME AND OTHER PEOPLE. WELL TODAY SHE REALLY WANTED TO GO STAY THE NIGHT OVER THERE AND I TOLD HER NO, BUT SHE COULD GO OVER AND STAY TILL 10PM. I HOPE AND PRAY I DID THE RIGHT THING. OF COURSE I'M KEEPING MYSELF VERY BUSY AND I AM CALLING HER EVERY HOUR TO MAKE SURE SHE IS OK. DID I DO THE RIGHT THING? PLEASE HELP!!

 
okc-mom-2

Asked by okc-mom-2 at 9:45 PM on Aug. 1, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (19)
  • OMG I completely understand. My ex, we had two kids together, is a drunk still doing drugs. If he wanted my kids for any length of time I would drive myself absolutly crazy! Girl, just make sur you ask her when she gets home if she had fun and watch for the warning signs that things are not right. Hopefully he has gotten some act right in his life if not then cross that road when you get there hopefully your daughter is alright in the process. You and your kids will be fine in the long run. Good luck!
    mistym31

    Answer by mistym31 at 9:13 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • you know if he's not a criminal just let her have a relationship with him... just cause you 2 couldnt get along doesnt mean them 2 cant...right? and remember the truth ALWAYS tells it's own story you do not need to remind her of the walk out and stuff she'll figure it out...
    MELRN

    Answer by MELRN at 9:48 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Hrm... Well, you did the right thing in letting her get close to her...father (sperm donor).
    I just don't understand why you're so frantic? Yes, he was out of their lives...but he's back, for whatever reason it may be.
    You could always host the visits next time. *shrugs*

    So.. was he an ACTUAL sperm donor? Or do you just refer him to one because he walked out, and that's inevitably what he did?
    Because I could understand the worry if he was a sort of stranger...
    K_Sawyer

    Answer by K_Sawyer at 9:48 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • She's 13 and wants to build a relationwhip with him. You should have let her. He's been there for 3 months and they have bonded. You need to let go. SHe's old enough to call you if she wants to be picked up
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Why are you calling every hour? If you seriously do not trust him that much, why would you let her go over there for that long unsupervised? Has he given you reason to think that he'd harm her in any way or are you just over-protective?

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 9:49 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • 3 months of supervised visits is too long for a 13 year old. Let her go stay the night with her dad. If he leaves, she will see it was him that chose to walk out this time. Right now you're holding back their relationship
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:50 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Look if the supervised visits have been going okay. IT's been 13 years, he's not a drug addict/alcholic. Then yes you're doing the right thing.
    The sperm doner thing ... that's b/w adults. She want to get to know her dad. He OBVIOUSLY has had a turn around and wants to get to know her.
    That's GREAT for a kid. And it puts you out of the loop, which is hard for us to accept, but imp.
    If he F...'s it up and hurts her feeling.... well at 13 that's kinda b/w them.
    YOUR job is to continue to be her mother, to NEVER talk smack about her dad b/c after all that's 1/2 of her, and to love and support her.
    YES you did the right thing.
    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 9:51 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Do not call every hour. Leave them alone! I can see why he would take off. You're really dramatic
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:51 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I think it's always the right thing to let your children have a relationship with their father; however, it depends on why he has to have supervised visitation. Is he a drug addict or child molester? I don't really know why he has to have supervised visits, so it's hard for me to say whether or not you did the right thing. With that being said, I think your daughter needs to have a relationship with her dad. If will effect all of her future relationships with men.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 9:51 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I think you did the right thing. Unless he has a violent or mean streak that you are aware of. You should just make up a little code for your daughter to say to you on the phone if she wants you to come and get her and then ask her if it went well in the AM.

    pixie_stix

    Answer by pixie_stix at 9:59 PM on Aug. 1, 2009