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Not interested in sex...

ever since my son was born 8 months ago, I have NO interest in sex with my husband. It's nothing he does or says-it's not his fault at all. Ever since my son was born, I feel SO unsexy and disgusting, it's crazy. I still have a lot of tummy flab and red stretch marks all over my belly and thighs. I have been trying to lose some weight and it's not working.
Also, sex HURTS. Even after all this time! I had an episiotomy during childbirth and at my six-week check-up, it wasn't totally healed yet so my OBGYN sealed it with silver nitrate, which hurt-badly. Ever since, intercourse can be painful.
I don't want my husband to think it's anything to do with him. He is great and a terrific husband and father. We have an open and honest relationship, and I have told him my lack of libido is due to my own physical insecurities. I hope he believes me. 8 mo later I still look like I just had my son yesterday. Help!!!!!


Asked by Anonymous at 11:42 PM on Aug. 1, 2009 in Pregnancy

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I think you need to go back to the doctor. Sex shouldn't hurt and there could be something the doctor can do to help you out. I know how it feels to not feel sexy. I am overweight myself and its more than just baby weight!!! But I totally get how you feel. Is this your first child? It could just be the stress of adjusting added to the self image issues and the fact that it is painful. If you need to talk feel free to pm me! Good luck girl!!!

    Answer by Frogbaby83 at 11:46 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • first, if your experiencing pain with sex, I would make an apt with your OB- secondly I hope your DH understands, but remember he loves you very much, and he doesn't care about your body, he loves you for your mind, and who you are as a person. as you get older your body naturally sags, and had stretch marks, and liver spots and a NUMBER of other things NO ONE likes, or likes to talk about, but people are married and happily having sex for YEARS after looks fade. I would talk to ob about maybe getting on a post par- med. Maybe the feelings you have could be the baby blues, just not as severe as you might think it would be. Good luck, and I am sorry your feeling so down on yourself. Your beautiful, and your husband thinks so too! I'm sure of it.


    Answer by JnCV at 11:46 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • Sex shouldn't be painful! I'd talk to your doc about that. As far as feeling unsexy goes, I hear you. I still have my streach marks five years later. They look better than they did, but still.... My hubby insists he still thinks I'm sexy, and I believe him. My only advice is try to change your point of view. It's not how you see you, it's how he does. As long as he's interested, have positive thoughts. It's like any bad habit: try to replace the negative with positive thoughts. You'll get there, keep it up!! Also, your libido will come back, it just takes longer than we'd like.

    Answer by cocoamug at 11:47 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I think it's normal to not be into sex anymore. I mean, it's almost impossible when the baby is awake, and when he naps, you want to nap! There's always laundry, cleaning, or napping to do when the baby is asleep. Just hang in there, and even if you're tired, make it a point to have sex at least once a week. It will bring you closer to your hubby and remind you that there is life outside of being a mom!

    Answer by HallesMom1212 at 11:53 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • This is my first child. I expected to feel kind of unsexy after delivery---just didn't think it would last this long! Guess that is the "new mom" part of me lol I even lost 30 lbs in the month after I had my son, but it must have been in my brain because my self-confidence has taken a hit and I still have a lot of tummy flab and thigh flab, etc etc. It just really grosses me out and it's hard to get in the mood when you don't feel good about how you look. My DH always tells me how beautiful I am and that he didn't expect me to look like a perfect model after having our son....I just wish I could feel better about myself. I have never really had this problem before.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • I also think the silver nitrate had something to do with how tight things feel "down there"....does that sound crazy or like it might actually be legit??

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 PM on Aug. 1, 2009

  • what is silver nitrate? i have never heard of that. so sorry you and an episitomy. i would check with your ob. i mean that cuts right through the floor of your vaginal muscles and i read about how it can affect how sensitive and responsive you are to sex later.

    Answer by trelimon at 12:21 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • It's a stinging substance used to heal ripped skin. not fun. I still feel so yucky about the whole thing-wish I didn't have to have it. I really do think that might have something to do with the pain. I never experienced any pain in sex with my husband before my son was born.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 PM on Aug. 2, 2009