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How to deal when no one's comforting you?

Okay, with my first daughter I had like 5 people in the room. Now, dad says he's traumatized. My mom said she'd be there, but she never answers her phone. His mom works like crazy in the summers. And my BFFs all have kids or are out of state.

Not only that, but I feel like everything sucks right now and nobody's comforting. I had contractions 10 min. apart for like 2 days last wk and my SO was mad because I wanted him to take care of our daughter. I don't want to have sex. I resent everyone because I feel they're all selfish and am still trying to be nice. It's sad, but the only person to show me affection is my 4yr old.

I'm scared that I'll be in delivery alone and it's making me sad. I don't know how to deal with these unsupportive people anymore. Any ideas?


Asked by tcarter1981 at 1:18 AM on Aug. 2, 2009 in Pregnancy

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Answers (8)
  • Gosh. I only know I wanted to kick my husband OUT during delivery...he was starting to get irritating and I wanted to be alone! **smile**

    You need to forward what you've written here to the people that you need support from. They probably haven't a CLUE you feel this way because you keep trying to be nice. (Stop doing that, by the way.)

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:21 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • I was single when my first was born. I was in the delivery room alone - didn't want my mom there and had no one else. They apparently knew just enough of my situation thanks to my midwife, and had an extra nurse in the room, and all the nurses I had were very sweet & caring. My midwife also had a student who actually did most of my prenatal care (overseen by my midwife obviously), and they were both awesome. When my 2nd was born a couple years later, I did have my hubby there (not the father of my first), it really wasn't that much different - since he didn't know as much about anything going on (we took the classes & all but he was so nervous & all, lol), he wasn't much help. You've been through it before, if you let your dr know you might be alone you can probably ask for an extra nurse or something. Depending on your area, you can also see if there is a doula you can have in with you - your doc would know if there are any!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • I'd talk to your husband. If he really doesn't want to be there then you don't want him there anyway, he will only bring in negative feelings and hamper your labor. If he can't be supportive it's best he's not there. Have you considered hiring a doula? You can find one who is great but in training and will work for cheap. They're so wonderful... they will do whatever you want them to do while you're in labor and they are experienced and know how to help you cope with anything labor throws at you. You should definately look into it.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 1:26 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • Even if it comes down to you being in the deliever room by your self .. just think of it as you won't be there for long alone. Look at the joy part of it and if the others are not there then it will be their lose. i'm sure everything it touchly right now for you at this time. Just hang in there. But do like gdiamante said try letting them all know how you feel. Best of luck

    Answer by Shaqbe4u at 1:26 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • Hi Mommy...I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It's hard being pregnant and having another child too. When you said 'dad says he's traumatized' do you mean your unborn baby's dad from seeing his first child born or your own dad is traumatized about something in his life?

    With my first delivery, my hubby went on tdy travel the day after i came home from the hospital. with our second baby he brought me home from the hospital and dumped me in a chair and went back to work (non military then), sigh our third baby I made sure he stuck around but he got stuck referring a problem at work between employees so he didn't stay home long.

    So I sure know what you mean. But you need to, your allowed to have your so soothe you and help you in this pregnancy and beyond. Try counselling if face to face doesn't change him.My husband in all three pregnancies went for all ultrasounds then bottomed out after 3births..
    Don't let do that 2u.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:28 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • Anon, her doc may not know about any area doulas and some doctors won't recommend their use because they empower women to take charge of their own birth experiences and doctors want compliant patients, not ones asking questions.

    Just do a google search "Doulas, San-Francisco" or wherever you are and you will get plenty :) Let me know your area... if you're in CO or AZ I will be able to help you find one :)

    Answer by Ati_13 at 1:29 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • Thanks everybody! That really helps. I'll look into it. I sorta freaked out on him. I told him if I have no one in the room with me at delivery, the only people that will be visiting is my daughter and my own father. (Like I would want those two in there LOL)

    Then, my grandma told me she had 6 kids on her own and she liked the peace and quiet. She said she just closed her eyes and relaxed and let it happen.

    I'll do a search. I think I'm just emotional and needed someone to complain to LOL. He did say that he wont let me be there alone. If no one else is there for me, he'll get a sitter and stay with me. He just doesn't want to.

    Answer by tcarter1981 at 11:02 AM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • Jesus is with you! Peace

    Answer by 2mothershelpers at 1:54 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

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