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My 13 year old daughter told me that she has a crush on one of her girlfriends. Do I still let her have sleepovers with her?

My daughter has a friend who sometimes spends weekends at our house. We like the friend a lot and they get along great. But then my daughter tells me that she has a crush on her. She also told me that her friend has had a girlfriend before. I don't know what to do. Tell her that her friend can't spend the night anymore? I keep asking her if she has said anything to her friend about her crush or if her friend feels the same way about her. She keeps telling me "no". What if she just isn't being truthful because she knows I won't let her spend nights with her if she tells me they are actually together - girlfriends? I almost wish she was simply gay because the lines would be a lot clearer.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:27 AM on Aug. 2, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (31)
  • I dont know really, its like
    why dont boys stay the night with girls at that age, well because boys and girls like each other

    well if ur daughter likes girls then maybe the same rule should apply,
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • If she had a crush on a boy would you let her sleep over at his house?

    She may not think that it's fair but if you limit her chances of being sexually involved with anyone dont allow sleepovers.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 1:29 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • Yeah treat the girl as if she were a boy your daughter has a crush on. Tell her she can't sleep over anymore. Maintain some boundaries. How do you personally feel about it though? Are you okay with her liking girls?
    Imogine

    Answer by Imogine at 1:31 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • If she is attracted to girls there is not much you can do...sooner or later it's going to happen but for now her being so young try to keep her busy with you and away from the girl but don't make it too obvious. Maybe she thinks she has a crush on her hopefully it is a phase if not don't make her feel like she can't talk to you about nothing. Be open for her for anything. GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • I'm not uptight about teens and sex, but 13 is a little young. I won't allow boyfriends or girlfriends to sleep over because it turns more into a live-in situation rather than a simple sleepover.

    It would really suck to be 13 and not be able to have sleepovers because you might like your friends in a sexual way. On the other hand it would also suck to be a parent and always wonder if your daughter and her friends were in her room having too much fun if you know what I mean.

    If I were in your situation I think I would just sit down and talk to my daughter about sex and tell her that I wanted her to wait. I'd also inform her that if she ever gets into a relationship with any of her friends that they will not have sleepovers any more. Not because of the sex issue but because I don't want a live in situation. If she's gonna have sex she's gonna find a way to do it whether there are sleepovers or not.

    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 1:41 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • Well I'll have to think about this, but until I come up with an answer, I'd just like to say KUDOS, you must be an amazing mom for her to confide in you! I think its wonderful she felt comfortable telling you as much as she did. that means you have an above par relationship in my opinion. I would NEVER have told my mom anything like that, and I don't think most girls would. But I hope my daughter is that comfortable with me.

    So in the mean time, find comfort in that, and in the fact that this crush is someone you already liked, it's better than some sketchy girl, right?
    vintagesnow

    Answer by vintagesnow at 2:26 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • Part of the reason I never confided such information to my mother is fear that she would make me stop seeing the girl and she was my best friend. I think it is a bit extreme to keep them apart. We keep boys and girls separate because boys can get girls pregnant. Girls can't get girls pregnant.
    purpleducky

    Answer by purpleducky at 9:40 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • I WOULD TREAT IT LIKE YOU WOULD A BOYFRIEND, NOW THAT YOU KNOW THERE ARE FEELINGS INVOLVED, IT IS NOT A MATTER OF GETTING PREGNANT IS A MATTER OF NOT BEING QUITE READY FOR ANY SEXUAL ACTIVITY. IT COULD BE SHE IS OT BEING TRUTHFUL, I MAKES SENSE, MY DAUGHTER LIED TO ME ABOUT HER GIRLFRIENDS WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER FOR FEAR OF NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE THEM THE SAME WAY.
    SHE IS TOO YOUNG TO REALLY DEFINE AS GAY, ALTHOUGH EVERYTHING SEEMS TO LEAD THIS WAY, AND I HAVE KNOWN GAY YOUTH YOUNGER THAN HER THAT KNEW FO R DEFINTE. YOUR COMMUNICATION IS AWESOME THIS IS WHY SHE CONFIDED IN YOU, WAY TO GO MOM!!!
    older

    Answer by older at 6:40 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • You should not be encourging this at all. she is 13 and she like a girl? OH No!! I would not accept that from my Daughter. this generation is so gross U ARE NOT BORN GAY , SOCIETY MAKE THESE KIDS THIS WAY. I hope she gets over this.. Im 26 yrs old not that old and its not cool.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:29 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • Thank you all so much for contributing your input and I'm especially grateful to those who gave me kudos for her being able to communicate with me. There are so many thing to feel horrible about as a parent and your encouragement is greatly appreciated.

    To the last response; I would like to say that I do not think the way you do about homosexuality. I've known too many people who are gay to believe anything other than that is simply who they are. I don't mean any disrespect, but I think your way of thinking is based in the absence of knowledge.

    "Imogine" asked how I felt about her liking girls; I can only try to understand and let her know that she is loved and accepted regardless of her sexual orientation. But as I said in my original question, I feel almost as though I would rather she be a lesbian than bi-sexual. I have no experience from which to draw regarding parenting a bisexual teen.
    Kris636

    Answer by Kris636 at 8:59 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

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