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How do you stay close to a grandaughter who's parents keep me at arms length?

I try to see you and have to go to their house if I want to see her. If I bring gifts or it's the holidays or birthday time.. I seem to be welcome. Otherwise I feel like a stranger in my son's home.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:43 AM on Aug. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Have you talked to your son about this issue?

    Answer by louise2 at 11:45 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • How old is she?

    Answer by SusieD250 at 11:49 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • I think we need a lot more info than that. There are so many reasons why your son and DIL keep you at arms length. And for most cases, if they are keeping you at arms length, it's something you're doing to put them off.
    You're going to have to talk with them and be open to what they are saying and willing to make changes. The only way to be close to your grandchild is to iron out any issue with your son and DIL.

    Answer by nwdeserangel at 11:53 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • You're probably being too sensitive. I wish my mil would call and come over more often. I wish she would take my dd for a day! My dh tells me that she feels the same as you do. I try SO hard to make her feel welcome. She is just being super sensitive.

    Answer by KaceesMom at 11:54 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • Really, more information would be great. My MIL is not welcome anywhere near my son and she will never see him again. She tried to stop our wedding, tried to cause me to have a miscarriage, and threatened to take him away from us because we didn't fly to Missouri often enough and she's constantly badmouthing me.
    I'm sure you aren't as bad as all that, but there may be something more subtle that you haven't noticed.

    Answer by allans_girl at 11:58 AM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • A couple of reasons I have had my MIL come to my house instead is beacuse she keeps a very filthy house. The cats are on the counter, walking on the cutting board and she dosent wash it they also sleep behind the toilet!! gross! SHe dosent change the diaper enough and they come home with a rash, other times she would put baby to sleep on his stomach when I told her please dont do that! Basically she dosent respect me. There was a lot of reasons, her talking about me and putting me down. Telling me to stop breastfeeding so she could feed the baby. Just all kinds of stuff. You need to ask your son to please be honest with you and then try to come to some sort of agreement. Because if they dont feel like the baby is safe with you they wont be leaving it. Go to their house and play with the kids if thats what they want and that will prove to them you really do want a relationship with them!

    Answer by stickyfingers at 12:40 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • We don't go to my mil's because she is so anal retentive my kids are nervous wrecks the whole time we are there. My kids would cry when we went there. The final straw was when she called our kids brats because they got a bit dirty while eating. They were only 2, 3 and 4 years old. She fed them spaghetti so what did she expect. My daughter dropped a meatball on the carpet she was only 3. My mil got up and grabbed my daughter and put her in the corner. I grabbed my mil by the arms and told her if she ever touched my kids she would not make it out alive. I gathered up my kids and my husband told her she could come to our home and deal with our rules or not see the kids. She has not seen them in 5 years. My kids don't miss her a bit. My husband is so relaxed and for the first time in 20 years does not have an ulcer.

    Thier kids they can do as they like. You have to find a way to fit in not the other way around.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:50 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • Speaking as a grandmother who has been there done that, take what you can get for now and build up to what you want.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:03 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • I think if you honestly don't know why they are shutting you out, then you need to call them and ask them what is wrong and why are they treating you like this. Maybe you accidentally said/ did something that offended them, or maybe it is trust issues.... I really can't say.
    I have trust issues with my mil- she has proven that she can't be trusted and has done things that she knows is unacceptable-- but does it anyway (like leaving my kids home alone at her house).

    Answer by MizLee at 1:23 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • As for your question on how can you stay close to her -- I suggest you go to her house whenever you can to see her- and depending on her age- call her on the phone and talk to her, or send her cards/letters in the mail. Let her know that you are thinking of her and that you love her.
    Good luck!

    Answer by MizLee at 1:26 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

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