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20 yr old kicked out of the house- any experiences??

Continuation of last post:
I told my 20 yr old son, -after he came back from NYC in June, that if he wanted to move with me, he would have to get a job and pay rent by that time. He had 5 weeks to get something going. Even if he tried real hard and could not find a job within that time frame, I would have allowed him more time. He went out one day and put 5 appl.in and the rest of the time he partied, slept in, let his friends sleep over after i told him that they were not allowed under any circumstances because i was not running a hotel. He was non-compliant all the way.The day came to move and i told him that he would have to stay with his friends and figure out his life. He came over to pick up his things and was totally pissed off at me! Gave me an attitude and left without say ing goodbye. I cryed after he left, but i believe i did the right thing by following through with what i said i would do. Any thoughts? Thanks!

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dsweet01

Asked by dsweet01 at 3:22 PM on Aug. 2, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (17)
  • U did the right thing give him some time
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • getting a job right now is so hard, but if he didn't try everyday then it's his fault. he can take care of himself at twenty. next time you talk to him suggest he do small jobs or sell things of his to make some money if he can't find a job, maybe take him to lunch to talk.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 3:37 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • IF YOU BELEIVE YOU DID THE RIGHT THING THEN POWER TO YOU, BUT IF YOU REALLY FELT THAT WAY YOU WOULD NOT BE ASKING FOR OTHERS OPINIONS. TIMES ARE TOUGH THESE DAYS, WORK IS HARD TO COME BY EVEN WITH DEGREES IN HAND. I PERSONALLY WOULD NEVER KICK ANY KID OF MINE OUT OF MY HOUSE, I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES WERE, MY HOUSE WILL ALWAYS BE THEIRS TOO AND EVERYTHING I OWN IS PART THEIRS TOO, IN LIFE AS WELL AS IN DEATH.
    older

    Answer by older at 6:46 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • u did the right thing he needs to man up!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:17 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • I am going through a similiar situation with my 19 year old daughter except that I haven't kicked her out. She came home form college in June and I told her the same thing that you told your son. Fortunately she found not only 1 job but 2 jobs. She hardly works at 1of them and as for the other she gets her pay check and spends it on shoes and junk. I don't ask for anything because I want her to save her money for things she needs for school, but she is not doing that and she lies to me about it. One of her friends is always spending the night at our house, seems like almost every couple of days. I have had several talks with her including talks about what time she should be in the house and what I expect of her. I give her chores and she doesn't follow them. It is a constant struggle. It's like pulling teeth. If she doesn't listen next time around she will be living elsewhere. i will not put up with her selfishness. Good luck.
    awesome4

    Answer by awesome4 at 12:15 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • You did the right thing. He has to find out in life that there are things he has to do or else. The choice is his.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:02 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • I'm sorry it had to come to that for you but I think you were well within reason. My son is 18 and I hope and pray that it doesn't ever come to that for us. He's supposed to start college soon and he will always have a place here as long as he is in school or working.Otherwise, well, like I said I hope it doesn't come to that and I honestly don't think it will. I'll tell you I don't think you'd be doing your son any favors to let him be that dependent on you. He has to learn to support himself at some point.
    kweldy

    Answer by kweldy at 5:33 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • Well i feel like i am on both sides of this..my aunty if anything really taught me about "tough love"..i have 4 kids..21, 20, 18 and 11..and it was challenge i tell ya.. one thing i always believe is that your kids should always have respect for their parents no matter what...We raised them, and we try to instill them responsibilities cause the future is gonna be tougher now for them, and we can't always be leading the way for them, one day we may not be here and than what..

    Alot of times i feel the same way as you. I tell my kids shape up or ship out, no different..i got my life to live as well, and if any you should be helping me whether its picking up after yourself and always respect the home. I would not kick my kids out of the home, however..i will not put up with such disrespect at all..so communicating is the key..and if all else fail.then it's time to clip the wings and let them fly..Be there always though..
    paradiseluv

    Answer by paradiseluv at 9:34 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • Im not too sure whats going on yet I don't think I caught the first of this situation. But as for getting a job times are real hard now, for that so if he is trying real hard I would give a little more time. but as for respect you did the right thing he's an adult now he should know he has to go by your rules "the house is yours not his" Then again be a little more understanding maybe it a horrible feeling for him not being able to find a job. Although I know it's not your fault your not the one who's not hireing him.. Still just just be there for him and help him out.
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 10:40 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • PLEASE DON'T KEEP BEATING YOURSELF UP WITH GUILT. YOU GAVE ADVANCE WARNING, YOU STATED YOUR EXPECTATIONS, HE'S TWENTY YEARS OLD NOT TWO. AS FOR SOME KIDS VACATION IS A FOREVER JOURNEY AND GROWING UP IS PUT OFF INTO NEVER NEVER LAND. I WAS DRIVEN TO HAVE TO FOLLOW UP ON MY 18 YEAR OLD ANGER TANTRUMS THAT WERE SO DISRESPECTFUL I FINALLY HAD TO ASK THE TOUGH QUESTION, "WHY AM I PUTTING UP WITH THIS?" YOU DIDN'T KICK YOUR SON OUT, NO MORE THAN I DID OR ANY DECENT PARENT THAT GIVES AND GIVES UNTIL WE ARE BROUGHT TO THE END OF OUR ROPE. WHERE IS IT STATED THAT OUR ADUL.T KIDS CAN STOMP ON US AS IF WE WERE LESS THAN A QUALITY DOOR MAT? WHAT GIVES ANY SON THE RIGHT TO TREAT A MOTHER WITH DISRESPECT AND THEN ALLOW THEY FRIENDS IN TO SEE HOW MOTHER'S CAN BE TREATED? SURELY EVEN A MUT DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE TREATED THAT LOW. NO ONE, NOR ANYTHING DESERVES TO BE GIVEN MORE CHANCES THEN THEY DESERVE. CSJOY1

    csjoy1

    Answer by csjoy1 at 11:28 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

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