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If everyone gives up on the someone they love who has an addiction...who will be there support system?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Aug. 2, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • their family

    Answer by staceynoel at 3:30 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • It's not about giving up on them..... but there does come a point where it's sometimes best to support them from a distance. Ultimately, the addict must help themselves.

    Answer by Laura1229 at 3:31 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • Nobody will be their support system if everyone gives up on them. My uncle passed away after a long battle trying him to get off of drugs, I loved him alot and wanted to see him well again but it had been over 20 years and people were just used to the way he lived so we stopped trying, we found him dead in his room. I am so sad that I didnt have the courage to do more for him maybe he would still be with us today. Never give up

    Answer by kirsty_mcgrail at 3:34 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • Well, youre never giving up on a person but you are giving ultimatums for people who WONT take the first step. The first step is always the hardest but it cant be done by anyone BUT the addict themselves. SO when the first step is completed, then the family and friends can rally behind them to help them through. People who are unwilling to take the first step to recovery dont want a support system anyway. Once they begin treatment, THATS when they want support and they can get it. Thats what intervention is all about.

    Answer by momofsaee at 3:35 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • Many people will not believe they have a problem until they hit rock bottom. As long as they have "someone"-- many will think everything is just fine. Being supportive does not mean you have to watch them self-destruct. Sometimes letting them know their behavior will not be tolerated, and when they are ready to get help you will help them is the best thing you can do.

    My father is a recovering alcoholic, but while he was drinking, I would not be around him, go in a car with him, or really speak with him. I told him that when he was ready to make a change in his life, that I would be there. But I would not entangle myself in the drama he created (DUI, fights with family, etc.) while he continued to drink. He finally hit bottom when my mother kicked him out. Since then, my father has slipped up a couple of times, but he has been sober for 10+ years. When he decided to heal himself, I supported him then.

    Answer by Busimommi at 3:40 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • Giving up on someone isn't the same as refusing to be a victim to the outrageousness of the addiction.

    The addict is the person with all the power to change, with or without the belief of others that it is possible for them to change... As you may (not) have noticed, if the addict doesn't believe it's possible to step away from the substance, no one else's conviction will have any impact at all.

    It is important, I believe, to hold people as fully capable. If you respond as if you 'know' that the addict can't manage on their own, they're quite happy to live right down to the bottom of that expectation. If, otoh, you behave as if you 'know' they can sort out their own lives (without threats, complaints, ultimatums or any co-dependent behaviour of your part), you free them to develop their ability to cope with the added positive expectation that they can --something they probably don't believe... yet.

    Answer by LindaClement at 4:21 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • there is a difference between support system for breaking the addiction and enabling someone to keep up their addiction. (praise good behavior, breaking the addiction-ignore or turn from bad behavior)

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:23 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • My sister was addicted to drugs & alcohol and we done all we could to help her. You can't help someone that doesn't want help! My sister finally realized after she almost died that she needed help and she went to rehab a couple times and eventually starting going back to her old ways and finally one day met a guy that doesn't go for that stuff and she has been clean ever since. Just remember, you can only do so much but sometimes them knowing they have you to fall back on, they keep doing the bad things because they know you will be there. I finally got to the point where I didn't want anything to do with my sister and that woke her up some jnowing that I wouldn't be there anymore!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:06 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • That's what rehab is for.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 5:17 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • unfortunately an addict cannot be helped unless he/she really wants it, you can help someone who wont help themselves. it really difficult to watch a loved one hit rock bottom, but its necessary for them because once they hit bottom theres nowhere else to go but up. goodluck

    Answer by jbirchard at 6:25 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

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