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feeling God awful. Help please?

I over reacted when my son shredded a library book during his quiet/reading time and now he's packed a little bag of underwear and a family picture waiting for the cops and librarian to come take him to jail. I didn't say anything like that... what the hell happened and how I did I let it? I comforted him and we unpacked his bag together but I am feeling very ashamed and don't wanna really talk to him or look him in the eye til I figure this out in my head. He just watched me glue stick & tape the book back up and said nothing, just sniffled and looked like someone socked him in the stomach. Help me help him. I am lost like never before

 
hibbingmom

Asked by hibbingmom at 5:02 PM on Aug. 2, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 35 (71,876 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Welcome to motherhood! OOOH! OOOH! I know this one! I think he should accompany you to the library and he should explain to the best of his ability that he tore it up. As his mom, you will then ask the librarian how to deal with the situation and he will hear it. He then gets to somehow be a part of that process, like giving one of his books away or earning money to relace it.
    You didn't DO anything wrong. He over-reacted because of something he heard somewhere and it didn't necessarily come from you. Yell, apologize, teach and move on. They don't come with handbooks.
    Blondie90210

    Answer by Blondie90210 at 6:11 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • awwww, did u really shout at him?
    kirsty_mcgrail

    Answer by kirsty_mcgrail at 5:06 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • Well what did you say to him to make him feel so bad? We may be able to help you brain storm if we knew why he was so down.
    Krystal.Ingalls

    Answer by Krystal.Ingalls at 5:06 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • Poor thing. He probably thought that since he tore up something that belongs to someone else he was in BIG trouble. Just explain calmly that the book can be replaced and that he cant do it again but that doesn't mean that the cops are going to put him in jail. Ask him where he got that idea. And give him some cuddles and it should be okay.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:06 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • thinking back I was mostly talking to MYSELF, since obviously it's more my problem than his... "oh shit how do i fix this" and "WTF is this gonna cost" and wondering if we'd lose library privileges, if it could be saved or we'd be charged $40 for a fancy hard covered book, etc. I said shame on you for not taking care of it, etc etc and a little bitching about library books in general since it was his 1st time alone w/ one. What I mean by that is we have a special basket in the family room for library books only, so they don't get mixed into their normal bookshelves and get lost or, god forbid, ruined. Today he was allowed to take library books into his room since he complained he'd read all his bedroom books too many times and they were boring. So a little lecture, a little general complaining, .. I really can't think of anything else. He didn't seem affected at the time... just stood there trying to pay attn and rolling eyes
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 5:18 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • I am mainly freaking out right now over taking it in myself to library or having him come with me. I want him to be responsible but it could be unhealthy if he is so like, almost traumatized or whatever. This is a "big kid" crisis and I am not used to these at ALL yet.... I am not adapting well. From birth to 3 or so you can go to amazon.com and basically buy freaking instruction manuels to make them sleep, eat, poop in a toilet, etc... but these emotions are horrible... on your own!!!!!!
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 5:21 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • I would take him with you to the library. He will see that they won't yell at you and that they won't be sending him to jail. Tell them it was an accident and ask what you can do about it. Maybe you could offer one of your home books for a trade? Let him know you are sorry for hurting his feelings, but library books are for big kids and adults and they have to be taken care of. That's about all the ideas I have right now. I hope it all works out for you.
    Krystal.Ingalls

    Answer by Krystal.Ingalls at 5:26 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • AWWW. Maybe just calmly explain y u reacted the way you did and what he did wrong. Take him to the library and ask the librarian what you can do. Dont make him apologize because he probably already feels bad enough, tell the librarian he already apologized and is very sorry and wont do it again. This way he know's he has been forgiven and that he can still use library books. You might have to pay but not much.
    kirsty_mcgrail

    Answer by kirsty_mcgrail at 5:26 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • I totally Agree with Blondie on this one!!!
    LeopardessMaOf5

    Answer by LeopardessMaOf5 at 1:59 PM on Aug. 3, 2009