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What to do with 5th grader who was bullied so badly we have changed schools?

My 9 yo in 4th grade was bullied by a set of 11 girls. The school administration said that their bulling program did not address nor recognize bulling, "its just going to get worse in middle school". With many meetings with the teacher did nothing. Free choice time was given 2 hours per day, with no supervision of cliques forming to work on projects or just create mean games. Now we have a fresh start, the new school is in the same district but the administration and teachers have a better reputation for dealing with bullies. I need some hints for girls and bullies I did find a gov site on girls and bullies that was very good, any other ideas would be greatly apprecitated.

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:14 PM on Aug. 2, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (11)
  • First off, I would have went to the school board with the county. Second off, I would have filed charges against the school and the girls.

    Most need to make sure your son is not emotionally scarred and have him talk to a good counselor and not one that is part of the school system.

    Answer by kscmbz at 5:18 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • Was there a reason she was being bullied?

    Answer by kirsty_mcgrail at 5:19 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • I have always felt that being involved in NON-school related sports groups or structured programs was a HUGE help to my self-esteem during my pre-teen and teen years. Having something to look forward to, something no one else knows you do, to develop healthy opinions of yourself, to develop confidence, and to perfect your passion did wonders for me!

    Some suggestions are: dance lessons, swim team, musical instrument lessons, karate classes, joining girl scouts, art/pottery classes, etc... Those are things I did--they were creative, challenging, and eventually made me resilient to the bullying I faced! :o)

    Answer by LoriKeet at 5:20 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • As a teacher myself, I suggest maybe talking privately to the teacher and guidance counselor ahead of time and let them know what happened. Ask the guidance counselor about their bullying policies and what steps do they take. School districts these days take bullying very seriously. Offer your help to the teacher. See what you can do in the classroom. Maybe ask the teacher to keep on the look out for another child for your child to be friends with. Having one or two good friends can make all the difference. In my classroom, I am always observing as I teach and also when they are in groups to make sure that every child is treated correctly.If you want more specific ideas, just let me know

    Answer by biblebowlmom at 5:48 PM on Aug. 2, 2009


    Read the responses from the above: had some good ideas.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 6:46 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • Counseling is a start. I know at my kids school they are suppose to have this "No Bullying" thing. But when the boys pull my daughters hair or hits her or touches her butt, they tell the kids its not nice to tell. They start to tell the kids no tatteling as early as Kindergarten. Now I know to tattle isn't nice but if for some reason someone is being harmed then they should be allowed to tell. So when I found out about some little boy touching my daughter's behind, I went off on the VP, Principal, Parents and Teachers. The principal, vp and teachers for allowing this behavior to go on and the boys parents for teaching their son to do these things. I also found out that as early of the age of 8 the kids are talking about their parents having sex at lunch. When I asked my daughter to explain what sex is, she learned from school. I understand having sex is fun but wait until the kids are asleep.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on Aug. 2, 2009

  • Yes totally have her visit the counselor regularly just to chat about whats going on. Its very informal and though my dd wasnt being bullied, she was having some issues with not wanting to go to school. The counselor helped immensely. Her foundational combat will be her own security in herself. THe confidence that she has to know shes smart, shes loved and shes worthy of having great friends. I think teaching our girls that they are to be in control of who they have as friends is so important. I never want my girls to be friends with someone because shes popular or has nice clothes. I want them to want friends that they know will be loyal, true and a good listenter and I think they need to know they DESERVE that. Its also good for kids to have basic social skills and be willing to make the first move when meeting others. I am very social, I love people and I love making friends. Only 1 of my 4 kids is a bit shy.

    Answer by momofsaee at 6:27 AM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • First off, it is completely NOT okay that the school chose to ignore the behavior. It is time for a good old fashoned pissed off parent in front of the school board. I would be knocking down the door to the board room meeting if that was my kid. That policy is not acceptable.

    As for your DD, as hard as it is to face, there is likely something that your daughter is doing to set herself up as a target. Something she says, the way she carries herself, a certain behavior.... If you can figure out what that is, it could be an easy fix. I am not saying this to be mean, or make excuses for the little bully brats. This is coming from someone who was teased mercilessly as a child, and has a child who has been bullied in the past, figured out what the trigger was that made her the target, and corrected it.

    Answer by 3gifts.from.god at 12:49 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • I was teased my whole school career. I finally dropped out and did home school in high school. I found out later that I have aspergers syndrom or social dyslexia. In other word's I am socially awkward. As an adult I have been able to deal with it and learn how to handle myself better.  If I had been diagnosed as a child I would have been put in therapy and would have been better equiped to handle school.  Maybe something to consider...


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:26 PM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • As a teased child i commend you for attempting to change your child's school. I agree with the above poster who mentioned non-school activities. Even if it is a church youth group, girl scouts or soft ball. I never had as much of a problem in smaller groups. I agree with seeing a counselor/therapist but not a school one. Kids who find out about your regular trips to the counselor are just given more bait. Keep in mind, if it comes up, private schools have bullies to. I tried that. I agree that there is something she is 'doing' or 'not doing' causing it. Is the bullying warranted? Hell no! All those mean little $hits need to be controlled. lol. Her knowing what it is may or may not help. It may or may not be anything that you can change, overnight anyway. My problem was always my mouth. I had no brain to mouth filter. It wasn't on purpose but I would say the stupidest stuff to get me in trouble. con't:

    Answer by But_Mommie at 3:39 PM on Aug. 4, 2009

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