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what can i do to feel better?

Ok i gave a baby up for adoption and i have been acting like it doesnt bother me... but now its six months later and now i just wanna cry out of no where sometimes...Is this normal wat can i do to feel better!!!!???

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irishmama0607

Asked by irishmama0607 at 12:15 AM on Aug. 3, 2009 in Adoption

Level 4 (54 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • just remember all the reasons why you did do it.you did it for her.ive never done it but i could only imagine how you would feel.
    Desi2Sweet

    Answer by Desi2Sweet at 12:19 AM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • Whether or not you had counseling before you placed, you really should consider it now. Suppressing your feelings of loss will not make them go away. I am so sorry for your loss. It could help to start writing in a journal all of your thoughts. (The good, the bad, AND the ugly.) Again, I am sorry.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 12:36 AM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • wow...you are a strong woman i considered adoption before but i couldnt go throw with it but id get counseling and was it a open adoption?
    RIP.Caleb

    Answer by RIP.Caleb at 12:49 AM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • doodlebopfan is on target.She is correct therapy is the step in the right direction.Keeping it all inside just makes it worse.Your feelings are normal it's been 32 years and I still have moments like that,even days.I waited too long to get help .Get it soon it will help.I enjoy my family,my life and have a lot of happiness but it would not have happened without help.You deserve peace and happiness .
    drfink

    Answer by drfink at 3:03 AM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • Irishmamma, I send this with the hugest, tightest, HUG><<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>! Listen to these wise women...it is still early, and believe it or not hormones can and do stay in your body for up to a year, and in some cases longer. Those hormones are like the weight you gained, GOD bestowed them upon us to help us bond ,feed,nourish and love our newborn, as well as for our newborn to identify us. Your heart is aching, as well as your body for the child, that is not in your arms. Please seek out a support group in your community, and counseling if it is possible. If not journal, write letters to your child. Save them for your child to one day have. I always liken the loss of our child to a heart-attack. Heavy weight in our chest, numbness in our arms...keeps us awake, when we look down where this is supposed to be a child...there is none! Blessings, Go to Birthmoms group, diverse but loving..C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 7:22 AM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • Find other birth moms! Many of us suffered silently with nobody that had walked in our shoes and that makes the pain feel even more intense.

    There are lots of us here honey - some who are right where you are in terms of length of time since relinquishment, and some who have lived decades with it.

    I encourage you to reach out - we don't all have the exact same experiences and we are all in different places in our journey but we do understand the aftermath of missing our children. Peace and love to you sister!
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 1:34 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • Yes it's normal. The loss of a child is huge, even if your child is alive and well. If your child had died no one would have expected you to be over it by now. You need to grieve the loss of your child to adoption. Like others have suggested look for therapy and support

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:06 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • A lot of what others have said. . . get counseling, embrace your feeling/emotions not bury them, give yourself permission to greive this is a loss much like a death, understand that this is a process that you will work through. Good luck. . . stock up on tissues. . . Christmas, Mother's day, and you baby's 1st b-day will be hard. Make sure those who are close to you know what you have gone through and are supportive. The support helps.
    chrissmom734

    Answer by chrissmom734 at 2:20 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • Betty Jean Lifton PhD lives in Cincinnati Ohio. Is that any where near where you are? She is an adoptee that was one of the first to start writing about post adoption effects and is highly respected in the adoption community. Here is a link to her page: http://www.bjlifton.com/counseling.htm  At the very least I would drop her an email. She will now if there's any therapists or support groups in your area of Ohio. I've emailed several therapists and they've always been very kind in their replies.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:22 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • You can deal with this.. THAT, in the end, is what is going to make yourself feel better. Trust me.

    Let yourself feel what your feeling, cry, do everything that's necessary. Do you journal? Are you seing a therapist? All of these things got me through my grief.
    rainfalls

    Answer by rainfalls at 9:20 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

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