Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should I stay or should I go?

The past five days I have not seen my SO due to alcohol. We have been off and on for the past two years and I always seem to break up with him because he starts drinking again and I cant handle it because he shuts me and my son out and says really rude things to me...then we try again.

Today I got a e-mail from him saying that he was swearing off the hard liquor...that he needs to detox, get his life in order and make something of himself and the reason he has been depressed is because he is not doing what he wants to do and drinking is keeping him from doing the things he needs to do.

I called him because we work for the same company and after all the work talk I asked him if we were done...he said we would talk about it later but asked me if I wanted a short answer, I said yes and he said no.

I am really confused and I dont know what to do anymore. Any advice would help.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:39 PM on Aug. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • THIS IS WHERE THOSE VOWS YOU TOOK WHEN YOU MARRIED HIM KICK IN, IN THE GOOD AND IN THE BAD, STAY AND HELP HIM THROUGH.
    older

    Answer by older at 1:44 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • You don't want to hear this but I think it's in your best interest to be done. He's dealing with a disease and you will never be able to help with that. Move on. If he truly does get his act together and in two years comes to you and you are still interested, then fine, reconnect. Otherwise, you may have found someone new with less trouble and you could be very happy. I'd just cut my losses. I'm sure he's a good person but this isn't your fight to fight.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 1:45 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • I would not have my son around an alcoholic - it's too disruptive and dangerous. I would separate from him while he works through his addiction and gets help. I would not get back together with him if he were not involved in some type of program - AA for one. And I would not live with him for even longer, take things very slow and know that you have to do what is best for your son.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 1:46 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • I dont know if it makes a difference but he is my boyfriend.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • leave. life is way too short...
    evilive

    Answer by evilive at 1:58 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • I would move on. If he can get his life together and turn it around for himself, then you can work on it in a few months to a year. But get a stable situation going for your child, without your boyfriend in it.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 2:05 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • My mom stayed and helped my dad beat his addiction. It took 8 years and a lot of stress. They were married for better or worse and she stayed true to that vow. We were never in danger my dad was not an abusive drunk he was a sleepy drunk. My mom would get a call to pick him up she would have his brother go get him. We prayed for my dad everyday and after 8 years he gave his life to the Lord. He poured out his alcohol and the past 30 years has been free of his addiction. He gave it to God and let go. It was not always easy but he had a faith I have never seen before. I am glad my mom stuck by him and showed us what a real commitment was.

    I read and saw you are not married so in your case you have not made a commitment to him and should feel free to leave if you want. If you were married I would say to help him and honor your vows.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:14 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • The truth, he's dependent on the alcohol to get through life and he's dependent on you to be there for him to abuse and misuse...if you stay, your child will become a victim of this awful lifestyle and you'll have no one to blame but yourself...love does not hurt to feel good. Love does not put you down but it lifts you up...love does not call you cruel names because love does not hold hurt and pain...not only are you being misused and abused, you're allowing it to become a part of your life and as long as you allow it, you will be stuck with the same old situatin you're in ten years from now...Do yourself and your child a favor and leave this man alone. If he's ready to leave the alcohol alone he will but don't hold your breath...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 2:43 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.