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Ladies who love men who work overnite shift. Advice, please?

It's a little complicated so I'll try and simplify it out.

1) DH leaves for work at 9:30pm and returns at 7:30am.

2) He watches tv and eats a meal while I either shower or sleep in.

3) He spends a little time with the kids and usually gives them breakfast

4) I see him for 20 minutes TOPS and he goes 2 bed.... usually APPROX. 10-7, sometimes more (his job is exhausting)

5) He wakes up in the middle of the kids dinner and unintentionally ruins the flow of the evening.

6) He shaves and showers and spends a little more time with the kids and does bedtime stories

7) This is the time allotted for taking out trash, looking over mail, discussing crisis's, etc.

8) Leaves... *sigh* earlier and earlier now 'cuz he has a coworker who got a DWI and is paying him handsomely to drive him to and from work

We just never see each other. And when he has 2 days off it's really not the sam

 
hibbingmom

Asked by hibbingmom at 1:48 PM on Aug. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Level 35 (71,876 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I know what you are going through too. Keep a notebook and fill it with things you want to tell him or even just love notes. Then he can take it with him or read it whenever he gets a minute (trick is to do this daily) and reply to you. This helped us so much, especially when my Dh can't remember when I tell him "important" things because he's tired. I have a record of telling him, and he can see that he replied. Not sure how old your kids are, young by the sound of things, I sometimes try to lay down with him in the morning. If your kids take naps do it then. Any family events are hard here because my Dh doesn't like to get off his schedule on his days off, so we don't plan a lot of anything. It didn't bother me because I was raised with a dad who only got to come home on weekends, so it felt like I was seeing my DH a lot even then. Good Luck though.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 2:43 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • What a shame...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:51 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • mu hubbs worked overnights for about a year. i liked it at first cause I was in college and we needed to switch to take care of our son, but after a while, I started disliking it. -Because of lack of family time. I had him change him hours. Now, he works mornings. I love it! :)
    evilive

    Answer by evilive at 1:53 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • IT IS A SHAME THAT HE COULD NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOU AND YOUR KIDS WHAT ABOUT THE MONEY
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:53 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • "5) He wakes up in the middle of the kids dinner and unintentionally ruins the flow of the evening."

    This is where I see the problem. If you want to spend more time together, then you may need to re-think the flow of the evening. Don't see it as being ruined when he wakes up...this is vital family time!

    You may also need to rearrange your sleep schedule a bit. Go to bed a bit earlier and then get up earlier so you are showered and dressed and ready for time together when he gets home. 7:30 AM to 10AM is a LOT of time you can be spending together. You can deal with crises, etc. then. And the trash. **grin**

    Now, if you're referring to "adult alone time"...well, you've got the weekends. And honestly, that's what most of the working world has.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:55 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • I totally know what your going through, my husband worked nights for 3 and a half years when our babies were younger. They were 12 hour shifts, 5-6 days a week. 5pm to 5am
    Does it make you feel almost like a single mother? It did for me. We learned to make the most of the family time we had. Oddly I don't think we had a single fight in that time period, probably becasue time was so sacred that we didn't want to waste it fighting.
    I know it's hard, but it can be done. Is it possible for him to get on the day shift? Even if the light is dim, there is still light at the end of the tunnel. Just hang in there and try to make the best of it!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • my ol man has always worked odd hours since the day i met him. now he just works all day every day from various computers, laptops and phones and airplanes.
    i would recommend taking control of the home life. you need to be the head of the family. learn how to make car and home repairs. learn how to handle crisis yourself. don't plan on having hubby around for activities. get on with your life and your kids lives without him and if he can occassionally be there for a dinner or activity that is great. if not, so be it. move on and stop waiting for him to have time to do something for you.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 2:02 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • My dh works regular hours now. But he could make a lot more money if he worked a job he had a couple years ago where he was gone "all the time," but I'm not willing to make that sacrifice. Can you cut back expenses and let him find a job for less money but more family time?
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 2:05 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

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