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Do you think a single father can provide a balanced upbringing on their own?

A friend of mine has a nasty habit of sleeping around with the wrong women, and getting them pregnant. He has three daughters,(with three different women) ages 5, 4, and 10 months that he currently has sole custody of. Their mothers have nothing to do with any of them. He is now expecting a son, with a woman who has made it clear she won't be sticking around and only continued the pregnancy because my friend has been paying her. I've been helping my friend raise his children, mostly by babysitting - cooking meals - filling out forms for school or daycare and they all currently live in my house. I think my friend is an excellent father but the woman carrying his son recently started a fight with him and told him he'd screw up his children because they need a full time mommy and not a bunch of aunties that have kids of their own. This really seems to be bothering him and I don't know what else to do to reassure him.

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:27 PM on Aug. 3, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (16)
  • My grandma had 5 boys and all but 1 had sole custody of their children. They did great! A man can do it just as good as a single mom. I think it's best to have both parents if both parents are good for the child emotionally but if that's not possible then a single parent can do it

    Answer by a_and_j_momma at 2:29 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • Not much he can do about it now, huh? If she was so concerned about her kid needing a mommy, she would step up herself! I hope those women are all paying him child support, too!
    I'm sure he'll do fine, but he needs to quit sleeping around! Or bring along some wrappers!
    How is it any different than a woman with 4 kids from 4 different men? If they can do it, he can do it.

    Answer by motherofanaries at 2:30 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • As much as a single mom can on her own. If they're so full of pride that they think they can do everything on their own, then probably not. If they are willing to reach out to their community (friends, family, neighbors) and provide examples and role models and other adults for their children to be around and see what healthy relationships look like, then yes. But it all depends on the individual, IMO, not their marital status. Even married parents can't necessarily provide a balanced upbringing when they're so full of themselves that they can't see their children as individuals and people in need of things that sometimes, mom and/or dad can't provide.

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 2:30 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • That's a HUGE load of BS! One of my very best friends was raised by her single dad and she had a happy and much loved childhood. My brother is raising his son who is 13 now and he's doing great!
    A bunch of Auntie's?????
    Even women have friends and loved ones who help them raise their kids, how is that screwing the kids up? Because he's a man he doesn't deserve help?

    Let's chalk the "baby mama" rant to unbalanced pregnancy hormones. What a rotten thing to say!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • Maybe it's time he got a vasectomy. Men can be good single parents, but that is not a license to keep making babies with worthless women. Children need and deserve two parents, a mom and a dad. That's how they do best and are the most secure. It is very disturbing to see the numbers of children who are being sacrificed on the altar of self-gratification. And please don't take this the wrong way, but by your acting as the mother to these children, you are actually enabling him to continue the practice. What is so hard about stopping helping him out is that you know the children will be the ones to suffer. If he had to do all the things for them that you are doing, he might be more inspired to exercise a bit more self-control. As it is, he is not fully realizing what taking care of all these children by himself would be like. He needs to have to take care of them by himself in order to fully appreciate what it's like.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:47 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • Some men make wonderful single fathers. It can be done.
    However, this guy sounds like he has some problems. He needs to get his act together, stop impregnating everything with a vagina, and find himself a nice woman to marry and be a mother to his children.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • If a single mom can be a balance parent a single father can be as well. I think your friend needs to realize he does not pick good women to be with and should probably seek counseling to find out why he is getting with deadbeats. I feel for the kids since neither him or the moms loved the kids enough to be in a loving committed marriage when they made them. I hope for their sake he can do this. He needs to stop whoring around and be a man and take care of his kids. I say the same to single moms with multiple dads for their kids.


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • Maybe he needs to be taught what a condom is for or maybe even a vasectomy or how about this.. not sleeping with random women.. These poor kids. With that said yes it is very possible for a father to be a wonderful single parent one of my good friends is a single father to a beautiful and well rounded 5 year old little girl. He is amazing with her! as for this guy, I think while he may be a good father he needs to start being more responsible and not bring anymore kids into his drama filled life.

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 3:20 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • If a woman can do it, then why not a man?

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 3:38 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • My DH was a single Dad before we got married. His wife walked out & left him with 2 kids. He was doing a great job with what he was handed. That being said, there are reasons why it takes both a man & a woman to make a child. I've noticed a lot of differences between my bio kids who were essentially raised by me (my ex DH traveled a lot for work & wasn't that involved when we were married) & my Stepkids who were raised mostly by their dad. There is good & bad on both sides. I think both mothers & fathers can handle things on their own if needed but it isn't necessarily the best situation to bring a child into on purpose.

    Answer by funnyface1204 at 3:53 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

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