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DONT GET MARRIED TIL 100% RIGHT????????

MY FIANCE AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER ABOUT 3 YEARS AND WE HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SON WHO IS ALMOST 8 MONTHS OLD.... BUT I FEEL I AM DRIFTING AWAY. I AM BECOMEING UNATTRACTED TO HIM IM MANY WAYS PHYSICALLY HE HAS PUT ON SOME WEIGHT WHICH IS OKAY BUT HE USED TO BE SO ACTIVE AND FIT AND THATS WHAT HE WAS WHEN I GOT WITH HIM AFTER I HAD THE BABY I TRIED MY HARDEST TO GET BACK INTO SHAPE AND HE HASNT TRIED AT ALL... HE GETS WASTED JUST ABOUT EVERY WEEKEND AND IS NO HELP TO ME... HE IS NOT FINANCIALLY SMART LIKE HE DOSNT KNOW HOW TO PRIORITIZE AND WE NEVER GO OUT TO DO ANYTHING TOGETHER IF I SUGGEST SOMETHING HE DOESNT REALLY WANT TO GO... IM NOT SURE WHAT TO DO WE WERE SET TO GET MARRIED IN FEB BUT I SAID I DIDNT WANT TO YET... I SHOULDNT DO IT UNTIL IM 100% RIGHT? I FEEL SUPER BAD BECUASE I CATCH MY SELF THINKING OF WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE IF I WAS WITH SOMEONE ELSE.... HAS THIS HAPPENED TO YOU...

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jaksonsmommy

Asked by jaksonsmommy at 2:45 PM on Aug. 3, 2009 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,610 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Don't feel bad, nobody is ever 100%
    danichaos

    Answer by danichaos at 2:48 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • OMG, don't yell!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:49 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • YOU SHOULD TELL HIM ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM AND MAYBE EVERYTHING WILLWORK OUT.
    moommy2009

    Answer by moommy2009 at 2:49 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • "HE GETS WASTED JUST ABOUT EVERY WEEKEND"

    There's a dealbreaker.

    FYI, all caps is shouting and very hard to read.

    If you have doubts, then don't go forward. If the doubt was only over physical appearance I'd tell you that you were shallow. **grin** But there's more to it here.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:53 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • Postpone the wedding, there are too many red flags in your question. Sure no one is ever 100%, but they are close to it, you don't sound like you are.

    How old are you both?
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 2:55 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • sorry guys i forgot to turn off caps lock but by the time i realized i was already almost finished and didnt want to re do it
    jaksonsmommy

    Answer by jaksonsmommy at 2:55 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • I agree with your stance! I was 100% sure when I married my husband, saying that nobody is, is wrong.
    Here's the thing.........................it takes a 100% commitment to stay happily married. If you don't have that then you're not only cheating yourself but your future husband also. I don't think you should ever go by appearence because no matter what, people are going to change, you're going to get older, might gain some weight, your skin will eventually wrinkle and sag.
    If that was your only issue I would think that you're not mature enough to make a life time commitment.
    With the lack of responsability, I would talk to him about it and let him know how you feel. If he loves you, he will work on making things right so you can be together.
    I hope I wasn't abrasive, GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • I wouldn't have gotten married if I wasn't completely sure.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 3:11 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • I looked at it this way when I got married:

    Relationships are NOT 50-50. For a marriage to work, it has to be 100-100. Because if two people are only giving 50% of themselves, where's the other 50 spent? What difference does it make WHERE that other 50 is if it isn't in the marriage?

    DF's other 50 is in alcohol and partying and your other 50 is reaching out for help. You should talk, and put each of your other 50's back in the relationship, or take your 100 and go on.
    matobe

    Answer by matobe at 3:17 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • I wouldn't marry him. That is why the divorce rates are so high in this country...because sometimes people think those issues in a relationship will just go away or become easier to deal with once they are married...nope not true. It will only get harder. matobe is right. Marriage takes 100% contribution for both spouses and it sounds to me like your fiance isn't at that place right now. Doesn't mean he won't ever be, but right now he's not. I would talk to him about your feelings. Tell him you are wary about marrying him because of how he is acting. Tell him what you would like him to work on and fix. See if he puts effort into making things better and go from there. If he does, than great, get married when things feel right...if he doesn't...well maybe he isn't the one for you.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 3:25 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

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