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Is it just me or is it like this to all stepmoms?

I feel when my skids come over I feel like they are here because they have to be here or just to make it right with dad. They never call unless they want something or if their mom is wanting something...aarrgg!!!

I just wish we could be a whole family when they are here I mean put their teenage gadgets away and give us some real old fashioned love. They are so involved in their own little world they don't even realize what it is important. I am sure they do this over with their mom's house, my dh doesn't want to say anything to them bc he wants them to keep coming back, I am like it they are going to be fake about it I don't care if they do come back...easy for me to say but if things were different I would change for them. How I wish my dh would only concentrate on this side of his new family...I know that is selfish but damn it pisses me off. I don't feel no realization here. How to make it better? THX!!!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:08 PM on Aug. 3, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Eh, sounds like they are just being teenagers. Teenagers are beastly animals. They seem to lose all understanding of tact, and family for a while. Don't be too hard on them hon. They'll come around once this stage of their life is out of their system, lol.
    Mom2theboy1994

    Answer by Mom2theboy1994 at 12:24 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Teenagers, be they step or natural are only into themselves. You have to tell them outright that they are to put away the gadgets and spend some quality time with dad and your family, otherwise they won't know that they are being rude and inconsiderate. Don't insult them or yell at them, just tell them plain and simple that you are tired of how they are treating their dad by coming over there and ignoring him.

    BooBear666

    Answer by BooBear666 at 6:30 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • sounds like their being teenagers. Calm down
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:01 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • Um like the others have said it sounds like they are being perfectly normal teenagers.. Chill out a bit
    KalebsMommee

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 4:49 PM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • "How I wish my dh would only concentrate on this side of his new family..."

    Maybe they pick up on this part right here (kids are smarter than you think and pick up on ALOT more than you would like to think) and maybe that is why they don't want to be involved with you.. Hell if I had a step parent and they felt this way towards me I wouldn't want to do anything with them either. You need to realize the "new" family isn't any more important than his "old" family These kids are just as important regardless of how things are than the "new" family.
    KalebsMommee

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 4:51 PM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • Trust and affection takes time.

    Remember, they may feel resentment for being replaced. In truth they have not been replaced, but from what you have said, you would like to. He is their father, forever, better or worse. That can't be changed.

    Please try to not put too much pressure on him. He is likely to "feel" the distance with them as well, but also trying to reconnect at the same time.
    ysmeine

    Answer by ysmeine at 1:16 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • You knew he had kids when you married him. Just because he is no longer with their mother does not mean he should walk away and focus on his "new" family. They are still his family as much as you. Legally, those kids are his priority....you and whatever children you have with him are considered secondary.

    And as others have said, they are being typical teenagers. You need to get over it.
    randi1978

    Answer by randi1978 at 11:44 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • Typical teens act like that - Accept it! You are there mere stepmother not a parent - you shouldn't be able to 'make them' do anything except speak politely and keep their stuff in their rooms.

    I think stepmonsters need to remember the kids didn't ask you to marry them, they're father did and they're the ones that have to put up with the shit because they're original parents didn't stay in the original family unit.

    I say to stepmonsters "keep your noses out of it" and respect the children have a father that you happened to be married to.
    Waxing_Lyrical

    Answer by Waxing_Lyrical at 12:56 AM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • Wow...some hatred toward step moms.

    Stepmom is a tough role. You are a parent, but as some have so kindly said "not a parent". You have respsonibilty, but no real rights. You are in a tough spot with everyone: the kids, the dad, the birth mom. Sometimes are great, sometimes painful beyond words. Don't let the anyone tell you that you don't count. You do have a role in your family and you will find a way to work it out. Unfortunately, the role of step mom is hard and completely unappreciated. Do your best, be fair and consistent.

    Teenage kids are going to gravitate toward electronic devices... I told my DH that it is better for us when we DO something together. When we haved the kids we try to get out of the house as much as possible. Everyone gets along better when we are out of the house and interaction comes more natural.... Hang in there!
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 1:40 AM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • It also helps if you have times where the devices are allowed and times they are not allowed. So that the kids still get their down time, but you have estabished boundaries. Like not to be used during meal times or after 10 pm. Or only can be used 2 hours a day. or something that works and seems reasonable to you and DH. But then...it is again your role to provide some "family time" activity that keeps teens entertained.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 1:42 AM on Aug. 6, 2009

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