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CALLING ALL CAFE MOM'S WHO HAVE HAD TO APPLY TOUGH LOVE

Have you ever been given the ultra challenge by your Teen Age Son/daughter in which YOU had no other choice but to go the Tough Love route? Or you knew of someone's mom that had to apply "Tough Love" to their kid? If Yes, what was the action you (or they) took and how long did it take from the time the "Tough Love" action was taken before getting a response from the Teen?

 
csjoy1

Asked by csjoy1 at 10:51 PM on Aug. 3, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 10 (450 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I as a mom of 6 had to use TUFF love so many x's.You have to it's the only way you can get your point across to them at x's.I had to put my son out of the house @ the age of 21 @ the time,because he refused to grow up he was scared to step into man hood.He finished H.S. thank God. But after that he did nothing with his life and I as a mom was not having it. He was going to get a job and help out or he had to leave.It took us his dad and I puting him out for him to realize that life is more than just what he my have thought it was.But he's fine now he has 2 job's an apartment and a new girlfriend and a new car.Life was not at all like he made it out to be in his mind. So moms do TUFF LOVE if you have to!
    royalgoddess

    Answer by royalgoddess at 10:41 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • Tough love is one of those things that works different for different teens. I had to apply tough love a few months ago - my son hasn't come around yet. He still drops by or calls from time to time, but I can usually tell there is an ulterior motive behind his "being nice" - he usually wants something. It hurts like hell, but you just gotta keep standing knowing that you are doing what's best for them. In my case I had a son who wanted to be grown, have his own life but have me do everything for him. (That's the simple version of what happened - of course all that happened is much more complicated and way to long to get into). Like I said, you just gotta hang in there - when the smoke clears, you'll have a healthier child and a better relationship.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 11:02 PM on Aug. 3, 2009

  • yes, I have applied tough love and it is so tough for me, I usually give in when he calls and needs something cause I hate what he is going through. My son has been in trouble with the law and hangs around people that are bad for him and I am lost for words anymore..
    juju0707

    Answer by juju0707 at 11:16 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • My son called and asked me to come bail him out of jail. I said no. My husband and I left him there for a couple of days and let him see what adult punishment was all about. He had taken 4 books from his employer to read. He gave them back, but the employer didn't find the whole thing funny. He had to agree to community service for deciding to read without paying. I had always told my sons that if they ever called me from jail that I would leave them there a couple of days. I had to put up or shut up. He says he never wants to go back there again. It was hard to get those phone calls begging us to come get him, but we left him there. Tough - yes. Some have said it was mean. He hasn't been in trouble again though, so I'd do it again!
    jesse123456

    Answer by jesse123456 at 1:34 PM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • Tough love may not get the exact outcome you had hoped but I've never gotten a bad outcome when I've had to use it. The trick I've found to tough love is that they will try to outlast you and try all sorts of "heart tugging" manuvers to get you to back down. Never back down. They will come around and in the process know when you say you mean business, you really mean business.
    Traxx

    Answer by Traxx at 3:02 PM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • I had to use tough love on my 25 year old daughter, it started when she was 18 and started dating a 26 year old man that we did not like. he had such a hold over her. she had a real good job, he made her quit, made her watch his 2 kids so he could go out drinking, they got married 2 years ago. she now has 2 kids of her own with him and he started beating her. i heard him tell her that he was going to kill her so i called the cops, long story short, they are devorced, but she still has to deal with him. just 2 wks ago he broke into her house at 1 am and beat up her boyfriend in front of the kids. he is in jail again. the whole time i have to stand back and watch her fall and get back up over and over again. she is comming around but i still have to use the tough love on her.

    juls170

    Answer by juls170 at 10:07 AM on Aug. 5, 2009

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