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about daddys that are not bio daddys

my son i only four and a half months old and he is all ready calling my soon to be husban da what do i do james isnot his real dad but his father has nor wants to see him or be in his life. how dod i tell my baby the man he loves and knows as daddy is not his real dad and when do i do it how old douse he need to be and how do i do it what do i say i know i have a few years but it realy worrys me my dad was a crappey dad and i do not want my son to know abouut the hitting yelling ect that happend with his father what do i do. james loves him and likes it when he calles him dad and so do i but i do not know how to handle this one. help please?

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Asked by landonsmom009 at 4:13 AM on Aug. 4, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (10)
  • Cross that bridge when it comes don't worry yourself about it now. Who knows maybe James will have adopted him as his own by then. Your LO will be loved and cared for regardless.

    Answer by raemommy at 4:18 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • As far as i am concerned, your fiance IS your son's dad. HE is raising him and loving him as his own. I'm adopted and neither one of my parents is my biological one. But let me tell you, I never even thought twice about whether or not they were my parents. They raised me since birth. Remember, any guy can be a sperm donor, but it takes a real man to be a DAD!!! Feel blessed that your son has that no matter if your fiance is biological or not, your son will love him just as much as I love my adoptive parents. Good luck!

    Answer by madrigalreject at 4:27 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • thanks i know that because of my father but landon is my baby and i do not want him to go through what i did that helps a lot you just don't know

    Answer by landonsmom009 at 4:31 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • yeah i know what you are going through i have 2 daughters who dad wants nothing to do with them they are lazy and deadbeat well my husband has been in thier lives since they were 2 and to them they are his dad and i am keeping it that way we have tried telling them but they are to young. I think when they hit about 13 and can understand better we will sit down and tell them but right now my husband james is the only dad they know.

    Answer by proudmama930 at 5:51 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • His bio dad is nothing but a sperm donor, your soon to be husband is his dad in every way that counts. I would tell him when he's older but I wouldn't stress over it. My son isn't biologically my husband's but he's been there for him since he was 2 (he's now 16) the only reason my husband has adopted him is because he gets survivor benefits.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 7:04 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • I was not raised by my bio dad. The man who raised me was there from about 6 months old so I knew no different. I was told when I turned 13 though since I was becoming friends with my half sister by my bio dad and my mother knew that he did not hide me from his family and she wanted me to hear it from her not my sister. I was devastated and had a really hard time with it. My bio dad did want to be part of my life, but my mother would not let him though. I personally would begin telling him as soon as he can understand. I think I would have harbored less ill feeling towards my adoptive dad (who was great BTW) had I been told before I was 13 years old. My adoptive father died when I was 18, but we did mend our relationship, as best as a teenage girl and father can, before he passed. My half sister by my bio dad was in the same boat and so is a cousin PM me if you want to talk more since there isn't enough space here.

    Answer by aeneva at 7:51 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • My hubby and I got together when my son was 4. His bio dad was never around (although we were married) so my son really had no memory of any man but my hubby. When he was 5 my hubby sat him down and explained to him that he had another dad in a different state but that didn't change how he felt about him, he loved him and would always be there as his Dad. My son is now 18, struggled a little with abandonment issues from his bio dad, but has healed since he realized my hubby really will never leave him. There is no right or wrong age to tell your child, just do it when you think they can handle it. Good Luck and God Bless!

    Answer by kustomkrochet at 8:18 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • My daughter only knows her Step Dad her Dad. She is 9 and knows he isn't her real Dad, but he is Dad all that way! Like the first person said ...cross that bridge when it happens. At 4 1/2 months old ..that is REALLY young. When babies first talk they call their parents all sorts of things. I wouldn't force him though. He's always going to know who loves him and who is there for him ..whether he calls him James or Dad, it won't matter!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:35 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • Sounds to me like your son is calling the right man Dad. He may not be his biological father, but he is the real Dad.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 10:27 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • My teens grew up just like this with their Dad. Nope, not the DNA donor, but their Dad. That is what they have always called him. When they were 5-7 I began talking to them about the situation slowly and to their level of understanding at that time. What I have come to understand is that there is SO much to being a good parent, Mom or Dad, and good parent and biological components do not necessarily happen within the same person. Your boy will be loved by his Dad and will love his Dad right back....the rest just doesn't really matter.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 PM on Aug. 4, 2009

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