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your opinion-thoughts?

long story short, husband had and emotional affair with a girl 21, he is almost 32. he has a company holiday party coming up on the 22nd, also been unsure if he is bringing me or her. yesterday he said "i guess you will know what my disicion is on that day". weather or not we are going to try to work on things. seems as though we are already over, the way we talk to each other. he moved out about 10 days ago. gives me just about all details of things they do, i suppose thats a bonus then i know everything that happened if we decide to work things out. Do i just tell him to take her? and when we talked about ending things he said Sunday's after church he was going to spend it with the boys, he managed the first one but all ready made plans for the second. what do i do in all this???????????

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mom2boys80

Asked by mom2boys80 at 8:13 AM on Aug. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I am sorry. You are being treated with complete disrespect and cruelty. To flaunt his mistress in front of you is outrageous. Get a lawyer to protect your interests, make sure you have a job and job training. If you choose to take him back, the he needs to be checked for STDs,and remember that HIV takes a while to show up. Talk with your religious adviser or a counselor to increase your self-esteem.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:21 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • thank you
    mom2boys80

    Answer by mom2boys80 at 8:25 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • It sounds to me like he is telling you the details, hoping that maybe you will hear that these are the things that please him. I can't imagine that he is telling you just to be cruel. If he is, then he has some other problems. Affairs, emotional or physical, often happen because of unmet needs in the marriage. That is not always the case, but it very often is. A man wants to be understood, so he may go looking for understanding. A man needs respect, so he goes looking for respect. We tend to always look at the other person and his responsibility, and I am not defending him. Infidelity is never excusable. It always demonstrates a weakness. But we have our weaknesses, too, and in marriage, weakness contributes to weakness. The goal should be for my strengths to help my husband's weaknesses, and vice versa. In fixing a marriage, we have to begin by fixing ourselves, or as I believe, allowing God to fix us.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:27 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • I agree with Bmat on this. Do not just is there and let him walk all over you. Move on with your life with out him.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:29 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • meant "just sit there"
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:30 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • so basically he wants his cake and eat it too? Ok now we know what he wants what do you want? Do you want your marriage to be disrespected like that as well as yourself and your children? I'm assuming you set boundaries when you married him and am guessing this is crossing a major boundary. Is this a deal breaker? if so, tell him that he needs to think what marriage means to him and decide if he wants it or if he want his freedom bc those two are his choices, not both.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:55 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • He moved out? Good. Buh bye. Don't let him back in. And bmat gives some great advice on this one. Listen to her.

    goddessmonica

    Answer by goddessmonica at 11:02 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • Love Bmat's advice here. The real question is what do YOU want? What he wants is secondary at this point. You think long and hard what you want for yourself and your boys and work towards it. Do not look back. He is shameless in his behavior and you deserve much better sweetie.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • I think it is in our best interest to be done. the kids dont ask to talk to him and he dont and wont go out of his way to call or stop in on the days that he dont need to. the atmosphere is so much better without him here. no more anger-yelling and stuff from him, now i just have to get that attitude out of my 5 yr old. he can go live his life the way he wants because i dont think we were it. i believe he still wants to live like he is 21.
    mom2boys80

    Answer by mom2boys80 at 4:07 PM on Aug. 4, 2009

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